Sunday, May 22, 2005

Mrs. Linklater's All Purpose Graduation Speech

Students, parents, distinguished faculty. Thank you for this opportunity to address the graduating class of 2005. 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Or, you can wait until tomorrow like you usually do.

Now is the time to take stock.  Now is the time to take the lessons you have learned and put them to good use. 

Now is the time to try your wings. Expand your horizons. Live the life you've dreamed.  Explore the unknown.

And now, if I may be so bold, is the best time to turn to your parents with the answer to the unasked question:

When will you be moving out?

Thank you.  And may the thought of not sucking off the parental tit any longer fill your heart with joy.





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9 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 22, 2005 at 3:48:00 PM CDT

    Perfection!
    PK

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  2. AnonymousMay 22, 2005 at 4:50:00 PM CDT

    ..yes, for graduation I got a set of luggage and a swift kick out the door...no questions asked.... Elizabeth......

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  3. AnonymousMay 22, 2005 at 5:43:00 PM CDT

    Amen.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMay 23, 2005 at 12:39:00 AM CDT

    Hallelujah and Amen!
    ~Connie

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  5. AnonymousMay 23, 2005 at 7:12:00 AM CDT

    LOL!

    Gabreael
    http://journals.aol.com/gabreaelinfo/GabreaelsBodyMindSpiritJournal/

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  6. AnonymousMay 23, 2005 at 9:28:00 AM CDT

    hilarious stuff

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  7. AnonymousMay 23, 2005 at 4:29:00 PM CDT

    oh my! please repeat this speech in 2006 when my baby graduates!

    ~ www.jerseygirljournal.com

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  8. AnonymousMay 23, 2005 at 4:57:00 PM CDT

    Don't the loan payments constitute long distance lactation? And don't do it in public...some people get upset.

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  9. AnonymousMay 24, 2005 at 9:49:00 AM CDT

    LOL!  Perfect!  You should speak at every graduation (high school and college)!
    Tracy

    ReplyDelete