Ask Mrs. Linklater Bachelor Party Edition

Mrs. Linklater loves to wallow in other peoples' misery. So once again she lets some hapless victim of conjugal consternation beg an advice columnist for help.  After which she butts in, as usual.

 

ASK AMY

Forbidding him won't strip away party problem

Published March 30, 2005

Dear Amy: My husband's good friend is getting married in May. The other good friends are planning quite the bachelor party for him, including an array of strippers and strip clubs. I'm not naive, and I know that a little green gets you much more than some removed clothing.

My husband has been invited. I am having an incredibly hard time with this. I cannot believe for a second the girls will not touch him or vice versa.

I can't help but feel I'm being asked to swallow him cheating under the "acceptable" guise of a bachelor party.

If I were to not "allow" him to go, I know it would cause months of tension between us. I also would have to listen to his friends rib him about how I've got him on a pretty tight leash.

I'm also a little jealous of him. It's occurring to me that he has several unwed friends, so for the upcoming years, my husband will have the opportunity to go out and have sexual fun with beautiful women. I, on the other hand, must bring the potato salad to the bridal showers. Any hints on how to make this easier?

-- Double Standard in Denver

Dear Denver: Your husband could visit strip clubs while on business trips or during lunch breaks. He could cheat on you without the benefit of a bachelor party. I don't know if he would do these things, but you seem pretty sure of it.

I'm on your side here, really I am, and if controlling and "not allowing" your husband to go to a party would fix things, then I'd say go for it. But forbidding him won't fix your problem.

You need to talk. I know it's a lot simpler to forbid something than to express how you feel, but if you two talk this out calmly, then you might be able to outline some very real compromises. For instance, I'll bet your husband doesn't consider visiting strippers to be cheating, and wouldn't you like to hear his reasoning?

I receive lots of letters about bachelor parties, and I don't know if I'll ever truly understand how men justify celebrating a marriage by visiting strippers.

In terms of women being stuck with bridal showers and potato salad, if the only alternative is strippers -- male or female -- I'll take the salad.

Mrs. Linklater is reminded of former president Clinton trying to answer questions at press conferences, during his difficult days following the Monica Lewinsky debacle.  Nevertheless, she feels compelled to ask Double Standard in Denver, "Just what in the world do you mean by "swallow him?"