Fifty Things

I did this once before, but everyone seems to be doing it again.  So, Mrs. Linklater does this mean you'd jump off a bridge if everyone was jumping off bridges?

1. I am not a natural blond.  No you can't see.

2. I have more nicknames than the average person. Olive Oyl and Big Bird are just two.

3. I love dill pickles sliced in quarters.  I hated them when I was pregnant.

4. I once told a doctor to "Get the F**K out" of the labor room.

5. My children think I'm zany. That's not necessarily a good thing

6. I've been in ads and commercials, sung at the Ravinia Festival, been a member of the Second City Touring Company in 1969 with Harold Ramis and Brian Doyle Murray, been on a horse roundup for my honeymoon, and driven around the track at Road America.

7. I owned a 1965 Mustang.  In 1965.

9. I can't believe I'm 61. With a couple of exceptions, it's as bad as I thought it would be.

10.  I thought I would be competing in national age group championships and the Senior Olympics in volleyball, platform tennis, and cycling. Maybe even bowling and badminton. But I won't be.

11.  I love anchovies on pizza. Little pieces, not big strips.  It doesn't take much, but you knew that.

12.  I invented and named Bananaramas.  It's a cookie. With Chiquita bananas in it.  They're shaped like a banana with chocolate on one side.

13.  I was in the room when two guys I worked with came up with the names Snausages and Pupperonis. Most people would just take credit for the name because they were there.

14.  My ex is considered one of the top litigators in the country.  But I have seen him naked.

15.  I know people who know people.

16.  Over the years I have been a commando magnet. This is not necessarily a good thing.  

17.  If you had told me a year and a half ago that I would make friends with people on the internet, I would have laughed in your face.

18.  I like long drives.

19.  I drive under the speed limit in the right lane. Except when I've got a fast car and especially if it's stick shift.  Then I drive at least ten miles over the speed limit. And over 100 mph on an open road with no other vehicles around.

20.  I love to fly.  I should have been a pilot.  

21.  I have flown in a glider over Aspen, Colorado.  And ridden a horse down Ruthie's Run, a black diamond ski trail.

22.  My sister was a stripper.  One of my brothers is bi polar, but he seems to be stuck on manic.

23.  I have adult nieces and nephews I have never met. Maybe just as well.

24.  I played the piano and the cello.  I sucked at the cello.  Loved the piano.  These days in order to play, I have to tape my fingers like I'm playing sports in order to keep my knuckles from locking.
 
25.  I cry at the opera.  I have cried at the symphony when Solti was conducting in Chicago.

26.  I love black gospel music. I would go to church if there were a black congregation with a good choir nearby.

27.  I sang in all the singing groups and performed in the school shows in high school and college.

28.  I wrote and performed in two winning homcoming skits at Duke, then transferred and won two May Sing competitions at Northwestern.

29.  At 16, I dived out of a boat into shallow water.  I came this close to breaking my neck and changing my life entirely.

30.  I was Miss Goosepimple of 1967 for Zonolite insulation.  I actually saw my picture on some of the insulation walking through a house under construction.

32.  My older daughter was in a communications class in college when the professor held up an ad of a perky housewife in a kitchen holding up a pie. He was using it as an example of some type of advertising.  My daughter announced to the class, "That's my mom."

33.  An old boyfriend has became one of the legendary writers for the Simpsons. He was funny when I knew him. But so am I.

34.  In case you have been on a spaceship, I prefer younger men.

35.  I was the Chicago Women's MVP at the 1984 Advertising World Series in San Diego.

36.  I have diagnosed acromegaly, Graves' disease, and conversion hysteria in people I know. I missed congestive heart failure in two others, both elite athletes with amyloidosis.

37.  I thought about going back to school to become a counselor or therapist of some sort.  Until I took a practice GRE for psychology and laughed and the irrelevant material required.

38.  I get you pretty fast.

39.  I am a White Sox fan in a Cubs town.

40.  After having two daughters I realized that men know exactly when a woman is PMS - ing.  And keep their mouths shut.

41.  I was a single working mom. I returned to work and raised my children alone from the time they were 7 and 4 1/2,

42.  I asked for the divorce. But people would come up to me to say I was much better looking than my ex's new girlfriend and I shouldn't feel bad.

43.  I am the only one of my girlfriends who isn't independently wealthy.

44.  I would rather be reading a book.  Something non fiction.

45.  I've had an abortion.  I was date raped at 34.  You figure it out.

46.  I wrote the NARAL slogan "It's pro choice.  Or no choice."

47.  I think the big reason equality for women has improved is because dads have gone to bat for their daughters.

48.  I'd really like to be a grandma, but some people I know are sure taking their time.

49.  Kids know I get them.  

50.  If I want to, I can make things happen. Free lattes for everyone!!!