Who Knew?

I have watched Exteme Makeover with ghoulish relish.  I am fascinated that people are willing to stand there in their skivvies for the before and after. EEWWWW.

I'm also astonished at the kind of pain people are willing to put up with to be more physically attractive.  Their psychic pain must be so great that being carved up doesn't faze them by comparison.

Not that Mrs. Linklater hasn't thought about a few lifts herself. But for humanitarian reasons alone. 

All that surgery on the outside so they can feel better about their looks on the inside. And, let's not forget, so they can also be more appealing to members of whatever sex they want to attract. Otherwise, what's the point?

But I noticed there's one feature that never gets worked on. Probably because, for the most part, it isn't something you can slice or dice and improve.

I'm talking about their voices.

All the obvious things that you can retool to make a person more attractive -- bigger, smaller, higher and lower breasts, shorter, straighter noses, bigger or smaller lips and hips, higher or lower cheeks, higher or lower or wider eyes, the elimination of stretch marks or a big stomach, bigger or smaller butts, better hairdos, more glamorous makeup, ad nauseum -- all these things may not matter as much as your voice.

Oh, Mrs. Linklater you're off on a tangent again.

Well, sure, it wouldn't be me if I weren't.

Over the years Mrs. Linklater, being the nosy babe that she is, has asked husbands what initially attracted them to their wives.  Andmore than fifty per cent of the guys have said "her voice." [Mrs. L carries a clipboard with her to keep track of these things]

Her voice?  Wow.  Before all those other things, huh? Sure those other things count.  But you have to start somewhere.  And this was unexpected.

One guy I know said he met his wife when she was working as a waitress during her summer break from college.  He was looking at his menu and her voice is what got his attention first.  She pointed out something on the menu and suggested he try it.

The melodious sound of what she said made him look up and he was not disappointed.  To this day he still loves to listen to her talk. Rare for a married man.

We often chat with our blind dates on the phone before going out. Well, people who still do those things. Mrs. L doesn't think we give our phone voices much thought these days, if we ever did. We sound like what we sound like.  But, you never know what effect you might be having. Good or bad. Do you sound like a 900 number or a 911 emergency?    

"She sounded so nice on the phone," was almost a mantra from a bunch of guys when they talked about what first attracted them to their wives. And the rest wasn't bad either.

Besides their speaking voices, some women have wonderful laughs.  Charming chuckles if you will.

Mrs. Linklater has run the gamut.  She has a raucous laugh which has been downloaded and electronically enhanced by her boyfriend's husband [SHE MEANS GIRLFRIEND's HUSBAND] who thinks she sounds like an animal in pain and wanted to capture the noise for posterity.

On other occasions she has received offers way above and beyond the usual -- like the Free HBO and Cinemax deals offered by the cable company phone representative, who, in a moment of generosity also threw in hisage, height, hair color and home phone number.

And there was that one phone call to order something for a health club Mrs. L worked for that resulted in an invitation far exceeding anything she found in their full color catalog.

Because of this voice thing, Mrs. Linklater was a little apprehensive about using AOLbyPhone to leave an audio entry. Mainly because she was concerned about the sound of her laugh frightening small dogs and children. But she was enamored with the audio technology, which would allow her to make a journal entry without using her hands, not to mention the appeal it had to her natural laziness. So she overcame whatever reticence she might have felt and just jumped right in.

So, what was the very first thing that got your attention when you met your spouse or significant other?  Mrs. L was struck by her former husband's hands. For a guy in a profession that doesn't lift more than pencils and briefcases, he sure had strong ones. Nice and masculine. Not sissy soft girly boy fingers.

Shut up with the jokes.  I'm trying to be serious and scientific here.

You people are impossible.