The Institution of Marriage Part Deux

FIRST DRAFT STILL/SUBJECT TO CHANGE OF OPINION AT ANY TIME

Responding to news of two heterosexual Canadian men who plan to marry to take advantage of Canada's tax benefits, Patrick of Patrick's Place postulated that marriage is supposed to be for love, devotion, and commitment, not for financial reasons.

Mrs. Linklater disagreed and postulated her first point:
If nobody had money. Nobody would be married.

The debate continues with Mrs. L listing the other reasons she believes that people have chosen marriage.

Once again she argues that the ideals of love, devotion, and commitment have nothing to do with the decision to enter the institution of marriage.

Historically, marriage was the only job available to an adult woman for centuries. All women were trained to be wives. And this continues in third world countries.

In western tradition, when a woman married she became her husband's property. Her property became his property too. He could rape her because sex was his right. He could beat her -- as long as the stick he used was no bigger than his thumb -- thus the rule of thumb.

As contracts go, marriage wouldn't hold up in a court of law. And it hasn't. Basically it has been an agreement by a woman to be a man's servant for the rest of her life. It took a few centuries, but women started to say, hey, wait a minute.

However, staying single was not easy. An unmarried woman must have something wrong with her. She was unattractive so nobody wanted her. Perhaps she wasn't a virgin and therefore defiled.

Becoming a governness, a nurse, or entering a life of service became her options if there was no family money to provide for her at home any longer while everyone waited to see if someone -- please -- anyone would marry her. One wrong move and she was considered a whore.

Essentially, until recently, women were for breeding and taking care of men.  Women on their own were an anathema and subject to great criticism.

Marriage by contrast, no matter how restrictive, became a safe refuge. And the most socially acceptable place for a woman to be.

So once again, given the history of marriage, Mrs. Linklater reiterates her firm belief that the reasons for getting married have had nothing to do with love, devotion, and commitment.  

Here are her top ten reasons from the last fifty years in no particular order:

NUMBER ONE: Financial -- He/she's got a pile of dough, can make a pile of dough, can print a pile of dough -- I can live with that

NUMBER TWO: Sexual -- Man this virgin thing sucks; I can't get past first base if I don't marry her. Sheesh.

NUMBER THREE: Child on the way -- I wish her dad would get that shotgun out of my ass.  Bet this baby isn't mine either.

NUMBER FOUR: Clock ticking -- I have ten more eggs left and and nobody on the horizon except this guy.

NUMBER FIVE: For breeding purposes -- With her height and my speed we could have a whole bunch of linebackers at Notre Dame

NUMBER SIX: For Tax Purposes -- Just think, money for a new boat!

NUMBER SEVEN: Escape -- if my stepfather comes into my room at night one more time I am leaving -- even though I don't have an education or a job, because my boyfriend said he'd marry me

NUMBER EIGHT: Arranged -- Darling, this is Chauncey Fauntleroy the Fourth -- I think he'd make a better date for the prom than Timmy Jones your boyfriend since first grade. And while we're at it, I forbid you to ever see Timmy again.

NUMBER NINE: I'm gay -- I can hide my orientation behind a marriage and nobody will ever know. I hope.

NUMBER TEN: Just Freaking Do It -- Well, Mom keeps bugging me about grandkids; I'm not getting any younger so I might as well ask my secretary if she's not busy. Heck, she keeps her desk neat.

BONUS!! NUMBER ELEVEN: I don't want to die alone.

POINT TWO:  Love is not the reason people get married. It is the reason they stay married.

Marriage as an institution has been compromised for hundreds of years. Its ideals have never meshed with its reality.

As women and men have become more equal financially, legally and in a host of other ways, the institution of marriage needs to be re-thunk so people will stop trying to escape from it.

Next time -- Mrs. Linklater's New Rules of Marriage