Young Whippersnapper

My back hurt a lot today. I went to my health club to enjoy the whirlpool and a long hot shower, followed by a half an hour in front of the mirror doing my hair and make up, even though I had no place to go. I finished up around thirty minutes before closing. Besides me, there were no more than four other women in the entire locker room.

There are nine or ten showers. One of them is larger with a portable spray and a built in bench to sit on with a railing to hang on to. Actually all the showers have a railing and there are seats outside all of them that you can move into the showers to sit on.

All of a sudden I could hear a woman's voice berating the person using the big shower. "That's the handicapped shower. What are you doing in there?"  

Keep in mind there is virtually no one in the club. Another woman came up to me and told me to listen to the self appointed shower police. You could hear the schoolmarm voice. She was on a roll, bitching and moaning, complete with "You're not handicapped!" And "How dare you" and "Shame on you."  Nothing like a having a stranger scold you for breaking a rule you don't know exists, while you're standing there naked and wet.

I know women who use the "handicapped" shower when they don't want to get their hair wet. Or take off their mascara. Or they had surgery on their faces and don't want to get water on it.  Who the heck cares why anybody uses that shower?  Especially when there's no one else in the club. In particular, no one who is handicapped.

So this wicked witch is prattling on and on. Long enough for the person she's lecturing to finish her shower. Clearly the woman being lectured wasn't paying a lot of attention to the lecture.

Next thing I know the shower police matron is asking me something about leaving all my stuff in one of the showers, which I hadn't. I ignored her question and asked her another question.

Who gives a shit what shower anybody uses?  The club's almost closed. And there's almost no one here.

Well, that's the handicapped shower. She shouldn't be using it.

How do you know that's the handicapped shower?  Is there a sign?

No. But that's the handicapped shower. It's bigger than the other ones.

How do you know that isn't a shower for fat people? Fat people need more room.

It's for handicapped people.

You're sure of that?

Yes I am.

And you're saying there's a rule that says you have to be handicapped to use that shower?

Yes.

Just exactly where is the rule posted that says you have to be handicapped to use that shower?

Well, you do.

Well, maybe you don't. Are you handicapped?

No.

So you aren't handicapped. You're just an asshole.

You're too young, you don't understand.

I'm 62.

She was 58, which shut her up. But that wasn't even the point.