Forget Rednecks .....here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about ...Chicago
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through
May, you live in Chicago. Yeah, but if it's in a strip mall it stays open. Not that I go there or anything.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they
don't work there, you live in Chicago. Same with Saks Fifth Avenue.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Chicago. I also have polar vests that I have worn with summer skirts.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a wrong number, you live in Chicago. I got asked out once, too.
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of I - 80 for
the weekend, you live in Chicago. Also anywhere north of Kenosha.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Chicago. That's because five miles in rush hour takes way longer than five miles at noon.
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in
the same day and back again,you live in Chicago. It happened just last week in reverse.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard without flinching, you live in Chicago. Samewith parallel parking in a snowdrift.
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife and daughters know
how to use them (and have since before they were able to legally drive), you
live in Chicago. Sorel boots and food, too.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
you live in Chicago. With a poncho over the costume for the sleet.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- and you're going 80
(probably heading north on 294 or the Edens and you are also reading the
newspaper) and everybody is passing you, you live in Chicago. Reading the newspaper AND illegally making calls on your cell phone.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow, you live in Chicago. Is that what those soft, cushy things are?
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction, you live in Chicago. There's also a pre-season when it's so hot the tar melts.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live
in Chicago. As well as if you have to honk the horn to wake the wild animals sleeping on your engine block.
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Chicago. It's just time to wear a light windbreaker over your polar fleece.
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all
your friends & others, you live in Chicago. Or used to live in Chicago.
I thought I'd just post them instead.
6 comments:
LOL...I lived in Niles for almost three years, Chicago is a great town...natives are very friendly....your list is very true....SAndi
Oh Good Lord are these too perfect! HA! And as we are about to get dumped on! Yep...67 degrees & now snow today. I just saw someone in shorts the other day! Personally I'm going to start a petition on no closing Dairy Queen in the winter! HA! The best one my dad saw...a guy with a cup of coffee in one hand, donut on the finger, phone in the ear & pinky on the steering wheel. Ugh! The costumes over the coats boy do I remember that. I was just on 294 yesterday & problem is lately the construction you can't even go the speed limit! Ugh You also live in Chicago if you can you know what it means to drive like the cab & buses...ugh!
We resemble that list too. Can we get summer back?
xoxo
I'll forward this list to my sister .... in Chicago. Tina
Don't forget my favorite: "If the local media treats an approaching winter storm with the panic one would expect if an asteroid the size of Alaska were about to hit, you live in Chicago."
I sympathize. September through May.....no place to get a chili dog.
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