Car Wash

Yesterday I went to the high school football car wash. With a video camera. Yep, we start shooting for the football video early in the season. The process started out harmlessly enough, a bunch of boys hosing down your car, soaping it up, rinsing it off, and drying it.  For ten bucks. Ack. Unless you want to give them more money! Good cause and all that. Haaaa.

Because there were so many kids it took them less than five minutes for each car, even with giant SUVs. There was a production line quality to the effort. Like being swarmed by ants, if ants wore cut off t-s and basketball shorts.

The difference between a boys' carwash and a girls' carwash is the difference between butterflies and gorillas. Although dozens of bulls in a china shop also came to mind. Things went pretty well for the most part. Except when one of the guys in the wash cycle accidentally sprayed a fresh, dry car, which meant they had to rinse and repeat a few extra times.

Within an hour they were all wet, and then one of the linemen showed up on roller blades, which have no socially redeeming value at a carwash. But he was funny. So was one of the tight ends who performed a very elaborate marshall arts drill with one of the hoses.

There was something amusing about another freshly minted 6'4" 200+ lb male athlete, turning to the woman next to him and whining, "But I don't want to go home yet, Mom!" 

Of course, there was also a slow period, before all the girlfriends showed up to get their cars washed, which meant that the boys holding up the carwash signs and directing people into the cleansing area were joined by a bunch of their bored, water-soaked comrades.

That's when people driving by weren't just encouraged to get their cars washed, they were now being assaulted by fifteen to twenty football players running into the street, yelling and screaming at them to GET IN HERE AND GET YOUR CARS WASHED!!!

After an hour and a half of shooting video of hilarious hose fights, stupid soap tricks, and interviewing satisfied customers about their carwash experience, I realized I hadn't had breakfast and decided to get something to eat. I had shot enough footage for the day and my appetite was calling me.

As I left the area, I had to run a gauntlet of giant boys who were now strewn across four lanes of road pretty much terrorizing traffic. I smelled sirens.

I gave that behavior a maximum of one half hour before the cops came.

P.S. I was wrong. According to my sources, the cops held off for almost two more hours. And then, instead of closing them down, they put the seniors in charge of keeping order or they'd ALL get arrested. That's the suburbs. In the city they would have just rounded them up and taken them down to the station. Or shot them where they stood.