It was on TV so it must be true.

A cop got killed on a firing range yesterday. The news reported that the officer who died had "bumped" into another officer on the range. [Don't they have partitions?] Apparently the "bumped" officer's gun discharged as he fell down on the ground. 

And I'm the Easter Bunny.

On a travel show this morning, I learned that indigenous tribes in places like the Amazon are giving tourists a taste of their primitive civilizations in an attempt to raise money so they don't become extinct.  Yes, you can pay money to watch them perform native dances, paint their faces with native plants, and here's the best part -- you get a chance to eat their native food. One particular drink caught my attention. It is made from the root of the yucca and mixed with "human spittle." I actually screamed "NO" out loud as I watched some soccer mom take a big swallow. Hmmm deelish.

Steve Fosset is still missing. After calling a halt to the search, they've resumed their efforts since getting some new clues -- thanks to radar, satellite imaging, and money to gas up four thousand more search planes. They've actually found a number of other missing wrecks, just not his. I wish I could muster up more sympathy, but I can't. He didn't file a flight plan. Even worse he didn't carry any kind of GPS tracking equipment on his person or the plane. Meanwhile, a woman was just rescued after a week of lying in her wrecked car. They found her by tracing her cell phone signal. Wait a minute. They couldn't have tracked the signal a little faster? I guess if a spouse reports a husband or wife missing, he or she has to pass a lie detector test and have the house searched for a body before law enforcement will initiate a search these days. Somebody's been reading too many Scott Peterson books.

Notre Dame is now 0 for the season. Worst ever start, plus one. They have the most recruited player in the country at quarterback. Too bad he had to step in as a freshman. I can't wait to see how this plays out for Coach Weis. If he were Ty Willingham, he'd be gone by now. Some ND alum should be made to eat the rest of Weis' eleven year contract for insisting that the university give it to him in the first place. Oh, sorry, alums don't run football programs. . .

Rex Grossman finally got benched. Everybody has talked about how much better Brian Griese looked way back during the pre-season. Well, I talked about it. Every time he came into a game something good happened. Someone else pointed out that the Bears have had thirty something quarterbacks while Bret Favre has been at Green Bay. It helps to have perspective.

Oh yeah, the Cubs have won the central division. Everybody talks about how weak the division is. Like the Mets don't look weak these days. May I remind people that the Cardinals won the World Series last year with the worst record in baseball. Maybe the central division isn't weak, it's just more competitive. Anybody buying this? Meanwhile you can stick a fork in my White Sox.

This just in -- University City High School in Missouri elected a boy as their homecoming queen. Is this a great country or what? Yesterday I was at the 95th football game between my old high school and its biggest rival. We won 49 to zip. You'd never know their team leads the rivalry fifty something to thirty something with four ties.  It was also their homecoming game. From across the field I could have sworn that one of the girls nominated for queen was a guy. She was as tall as the guys, had an androgynous hair style, and she was wearing a t-shirt with warm up pants. After they announced her as this year's queen, she ran over and jumped on the homecoming king like bachelorette Trista did when she married Ryan. That was girly enough for me and I felt an enormous sense of relief for some reason.

Time to get something to eat. And check out the house that burned in the light of day.