Can You Say Shellacked?

Guess who didn't win the game last night? Guess who not only didn't win, but got squashed like a bug? 

The conference championship was on the line. My old high school vs. the six-time conference champions. The place was jammed with people who thought they were going to see a clash of the titans. Ha. The game was over after the first quarter.

Actually I thought the game might be over when the teams came on the field, since the six-time [now seven] champs usually wear red and black. But last night they came out in all white with red lettering. Not intimidating at all. My old high school trotted out in retro green jerseys with white pants. Make that OFF white pants. They were slightly yellowish compared to their bright white socks.

So, neither team won the battle of the uniforms.

Here's the real difference between them -- NOTE: These are not the actual stats, just the way it felt sitting in the stands.

Their quarterback completed 49 of his 50 pass attempts. A bunch of them for touchdowns. Ours only managed one completion because he spent most of the night scrambling around trying to find someone to throw to. They used ten different receivers. We used only one, who kept dropping everything. Their coach had at least twelve running backs marching down the field ten yards at a crack. We had one who ran for a fifty yard touchdown, the only score. Oh yeah, on the opening play of the second half, special teams managed an exciting gazillion yard kick off return to the ten yard line. But that ended like everything else -- first and goal and they couldn't get it in.

All the prep sports writers were there. So were the TV boys. Someone said this was the game of the week on high school sports cable. And it turned into the biggest buttkicking ever dealt in the history of the rivalry. Even worse for the losing team, it happened during homecoming on senior night at the coach's last home game of his career.

On the other hand, there are those of us who think it couldn't have happened to a more deserving coach. Seventeen years of never winning the ones that mattered. I knew they had a losing program when I heard his philosophy of coaching. For him it has never been about winning, it's about having fun.

The other team was unbearably arrogant too. Rude and unsportsmanlike.

Normally the visitors come out to warm up first. There's a protocol to all this. But the visitors refused to take the field first. Score one for the visitors. 

After halftime the visitors warm up on the south end of the field, where they also warm up before the game. But the visitors starting warming up on the north side of the field until the home team made them move. Score one for the home team.

After the game, the visitors usually gather in a corner near the end zone. Not last night. They gathered near the fifty yard line, within a few yards of the team they had just humiliated. Then they did a loud, long cheer for themselves. They were really rubbing it in. Looks like another score for the visiting team -- but wait.

Finally, with the stands empty, and just the two teams left on the field, one of the losing captains walked over and told the winning team to get off their field. Seventy players turned to face one angry lone ranger. And they walked away. Score one for the home team.

It was probably the best play of the game.