Screw the BCS, Ole Miss Should Be Ranked Number One

Let's take a moment to think like one of the six computers that determine the BCS rankings. Or the BS rankings, depending on how frustrated you are this time of year. Clear your mind. In fact, remove your entire brain and set it on the ground. You won't need it.

First: don't count any losses in the first five games of the season. That's how one of the BCS computers does it. Second: double the points for each win in the last five games against opponents whose mascots are birds. Now, subtract quarterbacks under 6'4" with blue eyes. Multiply by running backs who haven't been up on drug charges in the last six months. Divide by two pregnant cheerleaders. Finally, count how many pepperonis are on your pizza. Congratulations! You've just cracked the code for determining the BCS rankings.

On the other hand, I've got another equally logical system that's worth considering, especially since Ole Miss just knocked the poop out of Texas Tech in the Cotton Bowl, 47 to 34. It would have been 47 to 27 if Ole Miss hadn't subbed an intramural squad in the last few minutes.

I realize that in a few days, Florida will play Oklahoma for the BCS Championship. But I have already determined what the final rankings should be before that game is played. My brilliant method goes something like this:

Oklahoma has one loss -- to Texas
Florida has one loss -- to Ole Miss

During the season all the following teams were ranked number one or two at some point, except for Ole Miss:

Ole Miss beat Florida [just to remind you]
Texas beat Oklahoma
Oklahoma beat Texas Tech
Texas Tech beat Texas
Ole Miss just beat Texas Tech in a big upset today.

So Ole Miss should be ranked Number One.

How big was that upset? Let's see, Ole Miss beat Tech which beat Texas which beat Oklahoma. Three degrees of separation. So by the laws of logic and probability invested in me, that's the same as Ole Miss beating Oklahoma.

So with my infallible thinking, I consider the Ole Miss/Tech upset big, especially if Oklahoma beats Florida next week.

Upgrade that upset to huge if Florida beats Oklahoma. Since there's no degree of separation between Ole Miss and Florida.

Okay nitpickers, Ole Miss lost four games during the season. But three of those were to ranked teams by a total of 12 points.

And since when did who beat who ever matter to the BCS computers? If the computers could count, Texas would have played for the Big 12 championship.

In fact, undefeated Utah, currently destroying Alabama, could argue that they should be playing for the BCS championship, but that's so logical my brain might explode. Especially since I think Ole Miss should be ranked #1.

Meanwhile, back to defending the Rebels' four losses. Have I mentioned that Ole Miss beat Florida, the Gators' only loss? Ole Miss also knocked #18 LSU off the planet. And barely lost to Alabama when the Tide was #2. Still, the Rebels didn't crack the top 25 until their second to last game of the season. This is probably because the SEC is so strong that the computers couldn't figure out how to compute the rankings for so many teams from one conference.

According to Wikipedia, "[T]he Rebels finished 2nd in the [SEC] West, knocked off the last 2 national champions on the road in No. 4 Florida and No. 18 LSU and ended the regular season on a five-game win streak." Make that six after today.

Clearly, Ole Miss may have the makings of a decent football program for the first time in years. At least, for the first time since Eli Manning played for their last bowl team, five years ago. But before Eli, pickin's were pretty slim, especially after his father, Archie, graduated.

Arguably, the Ole Miss first year coach, Houston Null, should have won somebody's 2008 coach of the year. He took over a 3-8 team and went 9-4. Nevertheless, he still got to share the SEC coaching award with Nick Saban [Alabama] and Bobby Johnson [Vanderbilt].

Before the 2008 season there was an article about Ole Miss QB Jevan Snead in Sports Illustrated. As I recall, Texas native Snead was initially recruited by Florida but decided to go to Texas when he heard they were recruiting Tim Tebow. At Texas he was relegated to playing behind Colt McCoy, so he transferred to Ole Miss, where head coach, Ed Orgeron, convinced him he would have a job.

Next thing, Orgeron got fired and Snead had to prove himself to the new guy, Houston Nutt. The good news is that, after sitting out his transfer year, Snead had three years of eligibility. After a nervous 3-4 start at the beginning of the season, he settled down and his rocket arm took the Rebels to today's bowl game against Tech, which the former two time high school All American won going away.

So, as far as I'm concerned, Ole Miss is the best team in the country. And don't get me started on the best quarterback.

I'll just have to wait until next year for the rest of the world to come to the same conclusion.