Stupid High School Tricks

My fiftieth high school reunion is in 2011. 5-0. I can't believe how much I wish that were my age, not my reunion. The "committee" already has a website set up for it. Right now the list of dead people is longer than the live ones. Lots of suicides. Plus notorious alcoholics who didn't make it much past 60. Not to mention our high profile murder from a few years ago. A divorce went bad [is that redundant?] and the husband killed his soon to be ex-wife -- one of my classmates -- thus ending her perfect attendance at all our previous reunions. 
     To facilitate finding old classmates I just assumed we would all be listed alphabetically, like we were listed in our yearbook graduation photos. 
     But, nooooooo. Whoever is in charge has listed the women alphabetically by their married/divorced names. Not the names we had when we were in high school.
     This is annoying. So Nancy Jones who sat next to you in English isn't listed under Nancy Jones. That would be too easy. She's listed as Nancy Jones [Smith] under "S" because she's married now. Assuming she's only been married once. Once you figure out the drill, you might look her up under her first married name, not realizing she'd dumped that guy and was on to her second or third hubba bubba. 
     But, I never knew any of her married names, so when I can't find her under her maiden name, I have to scroll through dozens of other people to find her. There were 900 in the class. This could get ugly. 
     I mentioned this to the "committee" and they said I could be listed under my maiden name if I wanted to. But only if I went back and removed my married name from my profile. 
     But I go by my married/divorced name, I protested. Why can't you just list all the females by the names we had in high school? So people can find us? [You assheads.]
     No can do. Or, more likely, no, we WON'T do that. So I'm listed under the L's. Not the E's where I can be found. My friend Kathy Wright is listed under the D's because she's now married to a guy named Dempsey. Her first husband was named Lindahl, so I bet there will people looking for her under the L's, too. 
     Stupid stupid stupid.