That babe in France ain't got nothing on me. She had her face ripped off by her dog when she overdosed on drugs and fell asleep. I feel like I had my face ripped off by a school of piranhas at the endodontist. And I was wide awake.
Endodontist is another word for a dentist who says this is going to
hurt you more than it hurts me. He was very soothing in his toothside
manner, describing every gory root canal step along the way. In fact,
he was so thorough I could probably perform the next one myself. May
there never be a next one.
But first, the doc numbed me with enough heavy duty Marcaine to
immobolize a large horse. I had warned them in advance, don't skimp on
the drugs, please. Kind of like an alcoholic who can slam down a case
of beer and not show any signs of losing consciousness.
So much local anesthesia isn't
necessary for most people but my body soaks up the regular stuff like a
sponge. This not only meant that the endodontist had to give me the
extra strong stuff, he had to stop three times to give me even MORE.
Because I could still FEEL what he was doing.
The root canal procedure took less time to get in there and take care
of business than cleaning my teeth. Faster than you can say my face
looked like I had had a stroke, especially when I tried to smile, he was into that
aching back tooth of mine, reaming out the three nerve roots, filling
them up with something like Play Doh, and pronouncing me
ready to go home and take the rest of the day off.
All things considered, it was painless, well except for the painful
part, a couple of times during the drilling, when I was absorbing Marcaine faster than he could pump
it into me.
This was my first root canal. Before he started the doc said he thought I was about as
relaxed as a person who is in an endodontist's chair getting ready to
have a root canal can be. I thought so too. I often fall asleep during
teeth cleaning, so why not a root canal? Haaaaaaa.
I was still relaxed even after reading the long list of things that can
go wrong during a root canal, which I was required to sign. My favorite
was the one that said the instruments can break off and may be left in
In their favor, the dentists who do these things have created a whole
new set of
advanced procedures, a bunch of fancy new drills and other tools, all
designed to get things done quickly. Since that's all these guys do all
process is rather streamlined. I wish I had a picture of all the stuff
that was in my mouth. Retractors, suction, strange things I can't
I was breathing through my mouth, then my nose, then my mouth, with a
plastic surgical protective cover that obscured most of my face. I was
also given a set of dark glasses so I looked cool from the eyes up.
Now that I'm home and the anesthetic is wearing off, I'm waiting for a
pulsing ache to take its place. But, so far, nothing, not even
the needle stuck me at least a dozen or so times. I was in a lot of
pain before the procedure. Throbbing from my left ear to my lower right
jaw. All my teeth ached until the pain got bad enough to wake me up in
the middle of the night when everything localized in that back
Anybody got a hernia operation to share?