Ask Mrs. Linklater Thanksgiving Edition

Once again Mrs. Linklater butts in and offers her remarkable insights into the world of human behavior.

 

ASK AMY
Published November 15, 2004 Chicago Tribune

 

Hunter's thrill of kill disgusts his girlfriend

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I are in our early 50s, so we're not kids. We get along great and are even speaking of marriage.

Here's the problem: I am a true-blue animal advocate. "Frank" absolutely loves to hunt.

He hunts deer, turkey and bear -- anything he can. He has a license and the firearms for doing so, but why do I get sick (not literally -- but it always causes a huge fight) when he goes? We've been dating now for seven years, and, yes, I knew he hunted when we first met. Since then, however, my thoughts have changed.

He wants for nothing and says it's the "thrill" of the hunt. This is something I cannot comprehend. I'm not compulsive about it; I do eat hamburger and wear leather, but why kill an innocent animal, just for the thrill?

Please help. We both agreed we'd abide by your ruling.

-- Animal Lover

Dear Animal Lover: First of all, thank you for making me feel like the great and powerful Oz -- or Judge Judy. But I have to admit that temperamentally I come down squarely on your side on this issue. As someone who grew up in a rural area, I've eaten and enjoyed my share of venison. I know and love hunters. Hunting isn't the problem; actually, it's the killing I object to.

If "Frank" is truly bringing home the bacon and would like to stock his freezer with turkey, venison and bear, or if he is donating the meat he kills to a shelter or food bank (as some hunters do), he has some leverage on this issue. If he is helping to cull overabundant animal populations under the direction of your state's Department of Fish and Game, that is also somewhat defensible, in my mind.

If he is stalking and killing game and leaving the woods littered with carcasses, that is just killing for the sake of killing. That is unconscionable, no matter how much he enjoys it.

I'd like to suggest a few activities that Frank might enjoy as much as hunting. Since he sounds willing to entertain options, I hope he finds a less violent pastime.

Frank could try: fly-fishing (catch and release, of course), skeet shooting, paintball, competitive bird watching, "shrooming" (mushroom hunting) or orienteering. I'm sure readers have additional suggestions.

 

Mrs. Linklater butts in:  Give it a rest Amy, like you’re going to get Frank into competitive birdwatching during this lifetime. 

 

And shrooming?  Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! What were you thinking? 

 

Mrs. Linklater finds it amusing that Frank gets a free pass as long as he’s not "littering" the countryside with carcasses.  Earth to Amy -- do you know any hunters? Do you watch Babe Winkelman?  Have you seen how long it takes and how hard it is for a hunter to take down just one wild TURKEY?  Get with the program, sis.

 

Actually this isn’t about animal rights and changing Frank’s behavior, you twits, this is about seeing the girlfriend’s behavior for what it really is.

 

THIS WOMAN IS A COMPLETE CONTROL FREAK. 

 

Oh, sure, she's a TRUE BLUE advocate as long as we’re talking about the animals her boyfriend kills, but don’t get between her and her medium rare hamburger, dripping with the blood of eight hundred thousand innocent Angus steers slaughtered every year – oh, and while you're at it, make that with fries.

 

She’s REALLY ticked because the boyfriend gets a THRILL out of hunting. He has the nerve to say he enjoys it.  Well, let me tell you -- not on HER watch. The least he can do if he’s going hunting is to feel really bad about it.

 

And she’s just the woman to make his life a living hell. I can just see her taking a long drag on her cigarette and lecturing this poor mope every time he heads for the woods. Oh, and be sure to pick up some veal on the way home, I feel like Italian tonight.

 

She might want to be a little more circumspect.  After all, she ain't no spring chicken any more. And he does have a gun.

 

Mrs. Linklater has two names for this insufferable bitch -- James Carville and Mary Matalin.  The ying and yang of politics.  Two more polar opposites do not exist on this planet.  And yet, they’re married.  And somehow produced children.  So clearly, it is possible for people leave their differences on the doorstep.

 

But some people just have to be right.

 

 

[NOTE TO FRANK – I sure hope the sex is good]