I Woke Up Feeling Old This Morning

Mrs. Linklater decided to consult the internet for some inspirational thoughts on aging. She's sliding down that slippery slope and her butt is starting to hurt.

Getting Old and Age Quotes and Proverbs

Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart
You only hurt yourself when you're not expanding and growing. Many people can't stand the thought of aging, but it's the crystallized thought patterns and inflexible mind-sets that age people before their time. You can break through and challenge your crystallized patterns and mind-sets. That's what evolution and the expansion of love are really about.

MRS LINKLATER REPLIES:  Blah, blah, blah, crap, crap, crap!

Richard Needham
For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.

Mrs. L:  Well, that perked me right up.

Andrew Carnegie
As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.

Mrs. L:  At my age that's like watching grass grow.

Heard in Arkansas
Age mellows some people; others it makes rotten.

Mrs. L:  Another sucky little saying.

Maurice Chevalier
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

Mrs. L:  What? I can think of a million alternatives.

Chinese proverb
Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it.

Mrs. L:  Men and pearls, could swine be far behind?

Plato
The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines.

Mrs. L:  So I will be walking into things quoting from Kahlil Kibran? 

Tom Wilson
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age.
Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.

Mrs. L:  This one I understand.

San Banducci
Old age comes at a bad time.

Mrs. L:  I was just waxing my eyebrows.

Mignon McLaughlin
The time to begin most things is ten years ago.

Mrs. L: Nobody likes a perfectionist. Especially one named after a steak.

Leon Trotsky
Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man.

Mrs. L:  Finding out he's wearing a rug is one of the most unexpected things that can happen to a woman.

François de la Rochefoucauld
Intellectual blemishes, like facial ones, grow more prominent with age.

Mrs. L: Just what I need in my old age, more acne.

Edith Wharton
It spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in a small way.

Mrs. L:  The nice thing about getting older is that I can ignore this shit.

Diana Cooper
Age is an ugly thing, and it goes on getting worse.

Mrs. L:  Who the heck is Diana Cooper?

H. J. Byron, An Adage
The gardener's rule applies to youth and age:
When young "sow wild oats," but when old, grow sage.

Mrs. L:  <<SLAPPING KNEE>>  Get it?!!  Sage?!
I'm howling.

Bernard Baruch
To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

Mrs. L:  Denial works for me too.

Mark Twain
Consider well the proportion of things. It is better to be a young June bug, than an old bird of paradise.

Mrs. L:  I'll pass on both of those.

James M. Barrie
Life is a long lesson in humility.

Mrs. L:  Your children will see to that.

Soren Kierkegaard
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.

Mrs. L:  You existentialists are all the same. Back is front.  Front is back.

Shakespeare, 2 Henry IV 3.4.283
Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance.

Mrs. L: To use Viagra or not to use Viagra, that is the question.

François de la Rochefoucauld
Few people know how to be old.

Mrs. L:  It's on my to-do list.  Right after the hip surgery. 

Arabic proverb
God gives nuts to those with no teeth.

Mrs. L: Anything I say here will not be p.c.

Adolph Zukor, on approaching his hundredth birthday
If I'd known how old I was going to be I'd have taken better care of myself.

Mrs. L:  As someone who doesn't drink and never smoked, I can honestly say that doesn't work either.

Josh Billings
In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us.

Mrs. L:  Who moved the bathroom so far away?

Helen Rowland
The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

Mrs. L:  Oh, she said "follies," not "felonies."

Mark Twain
The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.

Mrs. L: This sounds like a guy problem.

Henri Estienne
If youth knew; if age could.

Mrs. L:  Yes, these little nuggets of truth just piss me the hell off.

Arnold Glasow
Find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition.

Mrs. L:  Notice how all the guys make references to things failing, bad performances, and running out of ammo.  This may be the only time I don't mind being a woman.

Latin proverb
Never too old to learn.

Mrs. L:  That being old is as bad as you thought it would be.

Arthur Schopenhauer, Paregra und Paralipomena
A man must have grown old and lived long in order to see how short life is.

Mrs. L: When a great philosopher discovers the obvious, they put it in a book.

Pennsylvania Dutch proverb
We get too soon old and too late smart.

Mrs. L:  My cousin has this hanging on a wall at her house.  I have always hated it.

Malcolm Forbes, The Capitalist Handbook
By the time we've made it, we've had it.

Mrs. L:  My favorite memory of Malcolm is of him riding up on a Harley with Liz Taylor on the back.  They were both well past fifty.  And looked pretty stupid.

At twenty we worry about what others think of us; at forty we don't care about what others think of us; at sixty we discover they haven't been thinking about us at all.

Mrs. L:  At twenty I didn't care what others thought of me.  At forty, I didn't care what others thought of me.  At sixty I don't care what others think of me.  But I still read their comments.