THIS IS FUNNY DAMMIT

Winner of the First-ever National Press Club Award for Humor June 22, 2005

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NO. 3 TERRORIST ACTUALLY NO. 9, BIN LADEN SAYS

Madman Unveils Organizational Chart in Latest Terror Tape
In a new terror tape broadcast today, al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden dismissed the importance of an al-Qaeda terrorist currently in U.S. custody, claiming that the terrorist, Abu Faraj al-Libbi, was not the No. 3 man in al-Qaeda but was actually only No. 9.

Mr. bin Laden took to the airwaves of the Arabic-language al-Jazeera network to downplay Mr. al-Libbi's capture, saying that the terrorist had been demoted from No. 3 to No. 9 last autumn and that his role in the international terror group was "largely administrative."

Using a PowerPoint presentation of al-Qaeda's organizational chart, the world's most wanted man offered viewers a rare glimpse into the structure of the highly secretive terror network.

According to the chart, Mr. al-Libbi had no terrorists of any consequence reporting to him and had been given the somewhat nebulous title of "community liaison."

"Furthermore, Abu Faraj al-Libbi no longer has an al-Qaeda expense account and does not get reimbursed for mileage," Mr. bin Laden said.

But in Washington, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld questioned Mr. bin Laden's tepid appraisal of Mr. al-Libbi's importance, saying that if the captured terrorist was not in fact No. 3, he was "at least No. 5 or No. 6."

Supporting his position, Mr. Rumsfeld added, "We have credible intelligence indicating that Mr. al-Libbi was al-Qaeda's Employee of the Month in April."