Memo to Alec Bladwin and Kim Basinger

About your request to be considered for 2007 American Parents of the Year. . .

While all of us here at Parents Are People Too realize how important you are to the livelihoods of your publicists and attorneys, I'm afraid that the judges must decline your generous offer to be this year's poster boy and poster girl for moms and dads behaving like complete idiots after the divorce.

We can only stand back and applaud such shining examples of utter self absorption. Narcissism has never been in better hands. 

Mr. Baldwin, that heartfelt and touching voicemail message to your young daughter is a credit to all parents who use their kids as bargaining chips following the disintegration of a marriage. Calling her a "pig" was a defining moment for anyone who has ever felt the backlash of a child who had something better to do than talk on the phone. Truly, Mr. Baldwin, you are an inspiration to fans of parental alienation everywhere.

You and your former spouse, Ms. Basinger, deserve something special for all the sacrifices you've made to raise your daughter. Your combined attempts to destroy the psyche of an innocent child are laudable. Needless to say, we hope you'll find it in your hearts to escalate your efforts to crush what self esteem she has left, and then reapply next year.

This was a difficult decision for our panel, as we couldn't have asked for two people more representative of the thousands of incompetent jerks who think they qualify as parents, just because they got drunk one night and swapped enough DNA to make a baby.

We wish you continued success and look forward to reading your application for next year's award. 

P.S. Naturally we understand your disappointment, but in just a few more years, your daughter will be ready for drug and alcohol re-hab, so look on the bright side.