CSI: Miami -- A TV Show or Pretty Wallpaper?

I used to watch as much Law and Order as NBC and cable could dish out. All of them, from SVU to Criminal Intent, to the regular brand. But people change. And one day CBS began running all those different CSIs. I didn't get into the shows until late one weekend when I started watching one of the re-runs in the middle of the night.

Re-runs, that's the ticket. And CSI has nothing but re-runs, all over the place. A&E, Spike, CBS late. But then after gorging myself, I realized I liked one of the CSIs better than the others.

At first, the CSI with Chicago's very own William Petersen was the one I liked best [his family owns a furniture store here], but after awhile I thought the film was too dark for my taste. Of course, I realize nothing happens in Las Vegas until dark, because the town sleeps all day. But the film always felt like they were working with the lights off.

I only caught a couple of episodes of CSI: New York with another one of Chicago's very own, Gary Sinise. But I kept wondering what the heck he was doing in New York when he's from Chicago. And that film is almost too gritty for my taste.

But CSI: Miami. Holy cow, that show glows in the dark. The film is dressed up like a transvestite hooker strolling along the sidewalks of South Beach. Even the CSI offices look like a drag queen version of a municipal building. I find myself watching the show just to see the kaleidoscope of colors. And how the light bends and refracts through the many glass windows and doors of the sets.

Even David Caruso, who plays Horatio or "H" [gimme a break] has bright orange hair to match the filter they use on the sunsets.  Coincidence? I think not. He even has orange freckles which contrast nicely with the one black suit he always wears.

Except for Caruso, the cast is better looking in Miami than Las Vegas or New York I think. But Caruso brings his small screen star quality to bear with the cheesy dialog he delivers at white hot intensity, albeit very, very slowly. 

Today I noticed that I'm so into the colors of the show that I haven't been following the stories much. I realize that they're probably not very true to life. For instance, when a SWAT team in full regalia -- with helmets, Kevlar and big guns -- is about to breach a bad guy's living space, the person in charge of the criminalists probably wouldn't be the one leading them through the front door. In a suit and tie with no helmet. Except on TV. 

Not to mention the absurd love story between Horatio and the gorgeous sister of one of his CSIs. As if a Miami version of Sophia Loren is going to give a craggy old white dude with red hair, freckles and a face that looks like a map of Ireland the time of day. Okay, she's supposed to have cancer, but still. 

Hmm, I guess I was watching the story after all. But it's the colors that hooked me.