This One's For You, Kokomo

A friend of mine, we'll call him Ted, just broke up with his girlfriend of four plus years. The truth is, she broke up with him. Everybody thought they'd be getting married soon, since they're really good together.

By the way, if you loved the Mother's Day entry, you'll eat this one up.

Ted met his girlfriend, whose real name is Kate, through his first cousin, when he was in college. That's because his cousin's dad, i.e., his uncle, and his girlfriend's dad have been close friends since they were kids. Even though there's no technical incest here, it sure feels that way.

Right after they broke up a few weeks ago, Ted was encouraged by his uncle to do what he could to get Kate back. So he made a couple of hardcore efforts to undo whatever damage had been done and get things on track again, but no go. Ted's dad and I both said just let her go. In my experience, male or female, they all come back. It may be tomorrow; it may be at the 25th reunion.

Ted had said something stupid that figuratively opened the door for Kate to leave the relationship and she had walked out with no intention of returning anytime soon. She called his bluff and raised the ante. He went all in.

Meanwhile Ted's cousin is getting married in June. By the way, his cousin's girlfriend is named Katie, just to confuse things a little more.

Here's the deal -- the first time Ted and Kate will see each other since the break up will be at his cousin and Katie's wedding. Ted is his cousin's best man. He has to keep from being distracted since the groom is going to be in a mindless stupor on his wedding day, if the history of bride and groom behavior is any indication.

The problem is that Ted is currently in his own mindless stupor over the break up.

Meanwhile, I guess Kate's dad and Ted's cousin's father have been talking to each other. They're trying to orchestrate a pre-wedding get together between the two former lovebirds so the wedding doesn't get sidetracked.

That's the distinct feeling Ted got the other night when Kate called him and they had their first conversation since it all ended. There had been some voicemails, but this was real time. Kate wanted to make plans to see Ted before the wedding. He thought she was only doing it because her parents were pushing for it after her dad had talked to his uncle. So Ted didn't give her an answer, which is what he seems to do when he wants to keep all options open.

Meanwhile he doesn't want Kate to come to the wedding at all. I said that wasn't his call.

Meanwhile, he needs to put on his happy face the day of the wedding, because everybody's going to be watching them. A trainwreck in the bridal party is far more interesting than a run of the mill happy bride and groom. I can hear the buzz now.

Just to throw a monkey wrench in, Ted also got into business school. Kate was supposed to try get to a transfer from her company to be with him, but that's not happening now.

Not that stubbornness could possibly be at the root of their problems, but neither one of them would move to the other's city so they could be together up close and personal each day. Instead of be together on the phone.

This is exhausting. The last time I had a relationship that required so much maintenance was, uh -- nope, never happened.