Hillary, You Incredible Slut

I should be a candidate for president.

Today, on my way downtown, I had to dodge a huge pothole at 65 mph. The car next to me went ape-sheetah when the driver thought I was going to leap out of my lane and hit him sideways as I swerved.

But that was nothing compared to the guy behind me who slammed on his brakes and almost lost control of his car trying to avoid hitting my backend. He was so po'd that he took a shot at my car as he drove past.

Yep, used a gun with bullets.

I think he was aiming at my tires, but luckily he missed them and me both. Then he took off. Somebody must have seen him taking aim at me, because the next thing I knew there were three state cops streaking through traffic with lights and sirens and loudspeakers, ordering everyone to move the hell over. I've never seen four lanes of rush hour traffic trying so hard to cram themselves into one space in my entire life.

Next thing you know the guy who was taking pot shots at me loses control of his car, hits the median, and flips end over end, like a highlight film of great NASCAR crashes.

By this time everybody was driving about five mph in the far right lane, mostly out of fear at first. but soon out of curiosity. Is he dead? Maimed?

When the car finally came to rest in a cloud of dust and smoke, not to mention leaking fluids from its auto body parts, it was completely upside down. The cops did their best Starsky and Hutch and jumped out of their cars, just like in the movies. You know the drill, doors open, guns drawn and bullhorn screaming.  I actually couldn't understand what they were saying because by that time I had passed the craziness and it all just looked and sounded like mayhem and noise to me.

What's that? You say none of this actually happened?

Oh, I guess I "misspoke."