Raise The Drinking Age to 25

Some gray haired dweeb wearing a suit is making the rounds of the local tv shows, pushing to have the drinking age rolled back to eighteen.

Has he read any of the studies which tell us the teenage brain is like pudding that hasn't set yet? The same for their decision making skills. Why would anybody think that that da yoot of America could ever drink responsibly? Especially since experience and police reports have shown that the whole purpose of high school and college imbibification is excess?  More is more.

Only an old horndog would spearhead a movement to allow young people to drink legally at a younger age than they do already. Meanwhile, no law is going to stop a kid who has decided to suck up the Stoli at the tender age of twelve.

When you're under sixteen, it takes only takes three months of getting shitfaced on weekends to become an alcoholic. It takes only six months of six pack Saturday nights to fry your brain from ages sixteen to twenty-one. Luckily, once you make it to 21, you've got a three year window.

Which is why I think the drinking age should be raised to 25.  By that time, the hormones aren't at such poisonous levels anymore. Thanks in part to a reduction in pollution from unlimited amounts of hand-held sex. Simultaneously, having sex while drinking or driving drops precipitously, too. Mostly because when you have to start making payments on your own car, you get more careful about taking care of your stuff.

Twenty-five is also the age when you're considered old enough by corporate America to rent a car. It's also the age when the astronomical insurance rates suddenly drop. Do you think somebody knows something? 

In fact, why not raise the voting age to 25 too? Or when you've  finally moved out of your room for good. Whichever comes first. I think something needs to be considered because it's taking much longer for kids to get their acts together. Mainly because they don't have to.

Legalizing drinking for 18 year olds will supposedly solve everything -- teen pregnancy, stupid driving, idiotic pranks, teepee hanging from your trees, girls gone wild, etc., etc. Personally, I don't think Johnny Walker Redfaced drunken teens will solve anything except for the shortage of women in bars.

No matter what anybody says to the contrary, the ancient dude in his suit and tie disguise, acts like he'sgot his finger on the pulse of what young Americans are thinking. Even though I'm sure he's hoping to lay his creepy hands on something else. Oh for a chance to make it legal to hang out with Ashley and Tara at the local Wayside Inn after they're done with cheerleading practice.

He says the usual stupid stuff -- if 18 year olds are considered adult enough to fight for their country and vote in elections, it's about damn time we let them drink themselves into a stupor legally.

Except the reality seems to be that most 18 year olds can't be bothered to vote. Let alone make their beds. They love the freedom of being an adult, but I would love to know the real percentage of kids who actually carry out their responsibilities in an election.

And lately the military has had trouble making its quotas, because after reading about the carnage of two world wars and watching quite a few "police" actions on TV, 18 year old heroes have finally realized that their deaths and mutilations are what going to war is really about.

Given a choice, teens would spend their days playing Grand Theft IV or working on their MySpace pages. And, if drinking were legal at eighteen again, we'd be scraping them off the roads by the thousands. Now, thank goodness, it's only by the hundreds.

That's because seatbelts are mandatory no matter what your age.