Speaking of Rednecks

Apparently Bristol's betrothed, Levi "I'm a f------g redneck" Johnson or Johnston [depending on your source], states on his expletive filled Facebook page that he doesn't want kids. I wonder how much longer that page will be up.

This just gets better and better.

Despite his protestations about no kids, Levi is reportedly joining the mother of his child and her family at the RNC shortly. Maybe when his future mother-in-law gives her speech, we can get a glimpse of him sitting with his bride-to-be. I give that shotgun marriage enough time to provide the baby with a name, but its slacker father will be toast before a year is up, assuming Bristol hasn't kicked him out before then.  So much for abstinence only and family values.

Maybe this evening the Republican vice presidential nominee will use her greatly anticipated speech to address something Barack Obama said the other night. "We may not agree about abortion, but we can agree that something needs to be done about teen pregnancies." 

Especially when kids think they won't get pregnant the first time they do it.  Boy, wouldn't it be great to get a free pass? Except you wouldn't want it for the first time you ever had sex --  you'd like to save it for when you knew what you were doing. Or found someone who could show you.

One of the problems trying to educate kids about hormone poisoning is that they have their own unique way of absorbing information. Their brains are still made of pudding, don't forget. It's risky explaining stuff. You really can't tell them anything because you have no idea how they will hear it.

I remember a college girl [not my kid] who told me she wouldn't get pregnant as long as she waited until fourteen days after her period started. She said I had taught her that. WTF? I once told her that women ovulated fourteen days BEFORE their periods. However, my point was [I thought] that counting fourteen days AFTER your period starts wouldn't work to prevent pregnancy. Ask a Catholic. Apparently that's not what she heard.

Maybe that's why nobody wants to talk to kids about sex. You mess them up even when you don't mean to. 

We should probably require a license to "do it." Leave it all to the bureaucrats. Give the kids a book with diagrams to memorize. Then, after passing the written test, a qualified examiner would take themout for a test drive. Just kidding. But a written test to earn a license to have sex couldn't hurt. Part of getting it renewed every three years would be a test for STDs. And to check how many points they had accumulated for bad rides.

There would have to be another license for having babies. This one would require twelve weeks in a simulator that included three weeks of morning sickness followed by nine weeks of wearing a fat suit for the women. The guys get to spend a month waking up to the sound of a crying baby every two hours. And no sex of any kind for the entire time. At the end there would be a final exam that included teaching a kid how to ride a bike and proper behavior at t-ball games.

Tonight will be interesting.  I'll be curious to see how many times Sarah Palin has the balls to invoke parallels to Hillary. The only thing they have in common is that they're both female.