Friday, January 28, 2005
Scalzi's Weekend Assignment # 45 Karaoke Time
It's karaoke time. Pick a song to sing and explain why you chose it.
SCALZI SPEAKS: Note that not everyone sings the song you expect them to sing: I remember being at a karaoke bar one time and watching a six-foot bald guy with a gravelly voice and a tattoo on his neck sing Olivia Newton John's "Have You Never Been Mellow?" And it was brilliant. So by all means, reach for the stars here. This isn't American Idol.
Mrs. Linklater is usually happy just to sing along with one of her five downloaded MP3's in front of her computer. This is the kind of venue where she sounds absolutely fabulous, especially with the volume up. She doesn't have to worry about hair and makeup. Or costumes, for that matter. Sweats and a hoody and she's sold out at Park West.
But if we're going to play by the rules and actually sing at a karaoke place, she would choose Toni Braxton's version of Unbreak My Heart. Not that she could pass for Toni Braxton, being tall, white, and twice as old. But the song is in her range and, more importantly, the lyrics could be Mrs. Linklater's mantra [no pity parties for her this week, however]. Unbreak my heart. Uncry these tears. A fine set of lyrics. An old story with brand new words to tell it. Wouldn't it be nice to put your sadness on rewind and take it all the way back to happy. Take that messed up relationship from the top. Almost a perfectly written song. All except for that one stupid rhyme about pain and leaving someone out in the rain. Oh crap. Mrs. Linklater's only rule of songwriting [she actually does this in her job from time to time] -- is never use the word "rain" to rhyme with anything. Nobody's done it right starting when Richard Harris left that stupid cake out to get wet in MacArthur Park. Mrs. Linklater nearly goes insane when she hears the dreaded inclement weather word. Of course, there are some who would say that's a short trip, but we'll save that story for another day.
Extra Credit: Recall the worst karaoke performance you ever heard (or, if you're brave, ever performed). You can change the names to protect the guilty if you like.
Easy. Jessica Simpson's replicant sister on Saturday Night Live.