Friday, January 28, 2005

Scalzi's Weekend Assignment # 45 Karaoke Time
It's karaoke time. Pick a song to sing and explain why you chose it.
SCALZI SPEAKS: Note that not everyone sings the song you expect them to sing: I remember being at a karaoke bar one time and watching a six-foot bald guy with a gravelly voice and a tattoo on his neck sing Olivia Newton John's "Have You Never Been Mellow?" And it was brilliant. So by all means, reach for the stars here. This isn't American Idol.
Mrs. Linklater is usually happy just to sing along with one of her five downloaded MP3's in front of her computer. This is the kind of venue where she sounds absolutely fabulous, especially with the volume up. She doesn't have to worry about hair and makeup. Or costumes, for that matter.  Sweats and a hoody and she's sold out at Park West.
But if we're going to play by the rules and actually sing at a karaoke place, she would choose Toni Braxton's version of Unbreak My Heart. Not that she could pass for Toni Braxton, being tall, white, and twice as old.  But the song is in her range and, more importantly, the lyrics could be Mrs. Linklater's mantra [no pity parties for her this week, however].   Unbreak my heart.  Uncry these tears.  A fine set of lyrics. An old story with brand new words to tell it. Wouldn't it be nice to put your sadness on rewind and take it all the way back to happy. Take that messed up relationship from the top.  Almost a perfectly written song. All except for that one stupid rhyme about pain and leaving someone out in the rain. Oh crap. Mrs. Linklater's only rule of songwriting [she actually does this in her job from time to time] -- is never use the word "rain" to rhyme with anything. Nobody's done it right starting when Richard Harris left that stupid cake out to get wet in MacArthur Park. Mrs. Linklater nearly goes insane when she hears the dreaded inclement weather word.  Of course, there are some who would say that's a short trip, but we'll save that story for another day. 
Extra Credit: Recall the worst karaoke performance you ever heard (or, if you're brave, ever performed). You can change the names to protect the guilty if you like.
Easy. Jessica Simpson's replicant sister on Saturday Night Live.


robbush6 said...

"Undo this hurt that you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life. Uncry these tears, I've cried so many nights. Unbreak my heart. . .Say that you love me again."

Toni? Yes. Pain/ rain? No. Replicant sisters? Always a bad idea. Wet sheep clones that sing. Shudder.

If Toni's in your range, then so is Anita Baker.

yakvette said...

What?  You got a problem with The Weather Girls great tune "It's Raining Men"?

Hahaaaaaaaa.  What a PERFECT adjective for Ashlee "No, really, I had acid reflux" Simpson.  Replicant.  MAN, does she SUCK or what?  Note to Ashlee:  Thousands of booing Orange Bowl attendees can't be wrong.  

judithheartsong said...

Very good Mrs. L. London was a blast, thanks for your advice!!!!!! judi

cneinhorn said...

Rain?  Not even "Singing in the Rain"??  C'mon now Mrs. L, that song is a jewel!

thanks for the giggles this morning.


belfastcowboy75 said...

We've discussed MacArthur Park before. The worst karaoke I've ever seen was Colin Powell at that international conference.

It always amazes me what a microphone and 3 cosmopolitans can do to a woman.

musenla said...

Ohh, Unbreak My Heart, what a crooner you must be in private.  Complete with full emotive gestures, yes?

I agree with Belfast, Powell's YMCA performance was scary.

Ashley Simpson didn't even karaoke, she just pretended to!