Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Bag Lady With A Baby
Romanian hospital officials say a 66-year-old woman in Bucharest has given birth to a baby girl.
Medical ethicists and retirement home residents are outraged. The hippocratic oath has been compromised; there should be a limit to how old a woman can be to have a child; and, frankly, this is just gross.
Probably the first thing on everybody's mind when Grandma announced "I'm P.G.!" was 1) Who could possibly be the father, then 2) How in the world did he impregnate her -- with a bag over his head? Come on, people, that's what you were thinking.
The woman is 66, not 26. Even worse, she looks closer to 76. Okay, no one looks their best right after having a baby, but this unfortunate photo gives new meaning to the phrase, Kiss of Death.
Do you think she's nursing?
This birth will no doubt create a whole spate of new book titles:
*Coping with Menopause During Pregnancy
*Wrinkles or Stretch Marks -- You Be the Judge
Adriana Iliescu, who underwent fertility treatment for nine years before becoming pregnant, is thought to be the oldest recorded mother.
Definitely the most tired.
Remember -- this birth happened in Romania, a country notorious for orphanages filled with discarded babies, thanks to their government's ban on abortion. One wonders whether Ms. Iliescu, her doctors, the government or the hospital have any appreciation for the irony.
The girl was born prematurely by Caesarean section after her twin sister died in the womb, the hospital said.
Actually the baby died of fright when it realized who its mother would be.
Ms Iliescu told local television she had always wanted to be a mother but had been unable to conceive naturally.
Or as Janet Reno put it so well, "I'm just a homely spinster."
A spokeswoman at the Giulesti Maternity Hospital in Bucharest said the surviving infant, named Eliza Maria, weighed just 1.4kg (3lb) and was still in intensive care, but breathing normally.
So after all that do-dah, Ms. Iliescu couldn't carry little Eliza Maria full term. Now the baby will be at high risk for all the unpleasant developmental problems that happen to premies. And when Eliza's mother dies of ovarian cancer next year from the previous nine years of fertility treatments, she can be put into one of those orphanages with all the other babies who need someone to care for them. The circle of life. In Romania.
"The mother is doing well. She is saying she has been given a new lease on life," the spokeswoman said, according to the Associated Press news agency.
I think senior citizens across the world will jump at the chance to have a new lease on life that needs to be fed, burped and changed every two hours.
Ms Iliescu, a retired university professor and author of children's books, was interviewed by Realitatea TV last month.
Which just proves you don't have to be stupid to be stupid.
She told the station she was optimistic about her future as a mother, claiming her family had a history of longevity.
But none of them had a toddler to chase after.
The BBC's Central Europe reporter, Nick Thorpe, says the doctor who artificially inseminated Mrs Iliescu with the sperm of an anonymous donator justified the procedure by saying Ms Iliescu was in an appropriate condition to give birth.
Dr. Frankenstein went on to say that Ms. Iliescu suffered no ill effects from all the electrical current.
[Her doctor] also said he had been impressed by her faith in God.
Artificial insemination is next to godliness.