Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Ask Mrs. Linklater "Trailer Park" Edition

Mrs. Linklater lives for advice column smackdowns. Nothing like two women slinging hot, sweaty advice to attract the crowds. So bring it on Miss Ellie. Let's see your best stuff. Because you're gonna lose this one faster than a Cubs' reliever in the ninth.

PUBLISHED October 26, 2005 CHICAGO SUN-TIMES
BY ELLIE TESHER

DEAR ELLIE: My common-law partner's kids, girls ages 24 and 26, never ask me to join them for dinner or outings. Nor do they call their father when I'm around.

They do everything behind my back. This bothers me, but he thinks everything's fine. My similar-aged kids always include him.

DEAR MIFFED: Be the wiser adult and lead by example: Get tickets for everyone for something the girls can't refuse, such as a concert. Next, invite his daughters to join you and your children at something casual like a barbecue. Slowly build your connection to these grown children whose distance has been silently condoned by their dad.

If you focus on being offended, this won't change. Show them the benefits of your friendship; get to know them better. They'll eventually see you as the likeable person Dad loves.

Mrs. Linklater smells smoke just in time to poke Ellie with a stick -- poke, poke, poke.  Are you awake? Can't you read between the lines?  A million bucks says this "likeable person Dad loves" is actually a stripper from the Kitty Kat Klub who snagged dear old dad after a particularly fetching pole dance during his company's annual sales meeting. Yeah, yeah, strippers are people too.  The tattoos and piercings only add to her charm.

Conveniently, there's no mention about Mom in all this, so Mrs. L is thinking she got dumped once le bustier babe got her hooks into Pop. No doubt the kids are on Mom's side, since children have a sixth sense about two-bit trailer park trash. Is it any wonder they have no desire to spend time with a woman who booby-trapped their father into leaving their mother?  Whose presence is like stepping on old chewing gum.

Sure, Miffed can invite the kids to a formal White House Reception if she wants, although White Castle is probably more her speed. As for inviting the young folks to concerts and barbecues, don't expect Dad's daughters to be seen with the likes of her any time soon.  Might as well give that "be the wiser adult" stuff a rest. 

Mrs. L thinks it's a sure bet that Dad's "common law wife" -- emphasis on "common" -- is pretty low rent.


In general, kids, especially older ones, are usually pretty good about hanging with their Dad's new or used acquisitions, unless there's something that doesn't smell right, And this one's got stink all over it. Covered in gold lame and wearing pink plastic mules.

Unless Mrs. L is somehow mistaken, and Ms. Tank Top Tummy is actually Mother Teresa, there's no way to put lipstick on this barnyard animal.  So she should just be glad Dad is sticking with her and end all the whining about him and his kids sneaking behind her back.

Well, that's enough warm and fuzzy stuff for today.

I'm all tapped out.  




   

25 comments:

meforevermore said...

Aww... you're so sweet... I almost started to cry this was so touching... ::sniff::

lol Again, you're right. As always, nothing new lol

~Lily

mosie1944 said...

Whoa!!!!  Nobody does it like Mrs.L.  I can be depressed and hurting, having my own little pity-party here.  Then I read an entry like this and spit chocolate and wine all over the monitor laughing.  You're the best.  (there isn't any rule about chocolate and wine, is there?)

sdoscher458 said...

OMG spew alert...I now have coffee all over my keyboard...you really tell it like it is..I think you recuperated on some of those gifts...you are in rare form....Sandi http://journals.aol.com/sdoscher458/LifeIsFullOfSurprises

robbush6 said...

Trailer trash advice column smackdowns. Bring it on, Mrs. L. Sales? I had him pegged as a drywaller for a modular home manufacturing concern, glad to finally be off the deadbeat dad list, which for Arkansas, seems redundant. But I'm new at this. Bear with me.

screaminremo303 said...

Nothing sez lovin' like a a fresh coat of lip gloss. Once again, Mrs. L has cut through the fru-fru coating of the candy to reveal the chewy binary-center of what makes men hook up with women who buy Astro-Lube by the six-pack

Sometimes the rainbow that leads to the pot of gold starts in the Valley.

emmapeeldallas said...

ROFLMAO!  You're in fine form on this one...I LOVE these!

:)

Judi



psychfun said...

Hmmm wow! Well, to speak in between the extremes, depends on long dad has been with this women. If it is common-law already, I believe that is 10 yrs...or close which would make the girls 14/16 yrs old when it occurred. Research shows girls have trouble with divorce at teenage years & boys when they are 5-6 yrs old. There are always individual cases of course. May be in a bitter custody battle & that usually does not go well even in the best of circumstances, people typically work from the hurt, even hate sometimes. Now, do get from me I am saying it is not the case you mention, but I'll just support another view which could be equally true. Now would the advice she mentions be something which would be suggested as a first step, yes. I would have done something long time ago though, the longer you wait the worse it is. I would have also adviced if this was not discussed with "dad" this is also needed. He should be supporting the person he loves (if this is the case!) It is just like men who do not support their wives when they mother disagrees, just to disagree. They need to set the boundaries just like when you have kids & live with them. If need be you do get the courts involved for custody. Did you see Stepmom with Ed Harris, Julia Roberts, Susan Saradon...I just thought of that & lovely example to think about.

mombzbe said...

"Covered in gold lame and wearing pink plastic mules"--are you sure this "likeable person" isn't really Dennis Rodman?

I LOVE it.  Mrs L-- those guys on ESPN got nothing on you.   Your color commentary would put any of them to shame.  :D
Anna

bluwave9 said...

Score 1 for Mrs. L!  I'm glad you "live for advice column smackdowns" because I love reading them.

~Kris

ally123130585918 said...

LOL - Give it to em straight Mrs L ......Loved that one....Ally

cubsandcoffee said...

You have GOT to get your own column alongside the Ellie foo-foo types.  I give you my word you'd be a hit.  Bravo!

bosoxblue6993w said...

pole dance ... hell!    it was undoubtedly, a lap dance ... immdiately after the NASCAR meet.

onmiownnow2 said...

I just love it when you get all warm and fuzzy!  LOL!  GREAT entry... as usual!  Hugs!  Lisa

ladeeoftheworld said...

Your advice always warms my heart...........LOL

judithheartsong said...

So there was this strip club in Orlando/Winter Park, called the Booby Trap. The building was actually shaped like two breasts pointing toward the sky, and painted an appropriate flesh-like color for years and years. (Explain that to the kiddies everytime you have to drive by.)
For some reason my x always managed to be there when they closed (during his cab driving days) and would give the "girls" rides home. He would always talk about Mercedes/Porsche/Bambi's college ambitions and the fact that they were all going to be lawyers.
Was I stupid or what?!?!?!??!!?!
You batted it out of the park Mrs. L (please note the appropriate baseball reference.)
judi

somenuttychic said...

LOL!

salemslot9 said...

do you think there's a chance that the "common-law partners"
are both men?
just a thought

floralilia said...

hee...

perfect.

onemoretina said...

    Wouldn't it be great to see Ms. Tesher's answer to the girl's version ...  The 'real, untold' story ?  Tina http://journals.aol.com/onemoretina/Ridealongwithme

misscarberry said...

These entrys have me laughing my sweet Cornish a** off, can't wait for the next one!
Love Sam xXx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/misscarberry/NoLongerSweetSixteen

thelovetrain said...


Oh, could I share some stories with you. And, I'll bet that would be enlightening on both ends. I agree, kids are often SO perceptive... and much like sponges.

Luna Moths -- I 'love' them, and that so insectly ethnic and tantalizing. A question that intrigues me more though is, how do you feel about them, you little feisty sexpot, you? Might you join us for some green-winged fun? [:P]

... I was delighted to see you my dear, and have many times thought of introducing myself. I think that you're quite a lady.

Many thanks for taking the initiative, Mrs. Linklater. I'd much enjoy becoming friends with you. [:)]

~Brian @---->---

http://journals.aol.com/thelovetrain/tracks/

shaz19743 said...

Forget the magic 8 ball of answers ! Its dated and limited !
I can see a huge marketing potential here for a much better alternative.
The  talking  "ASK MRS L " doll !
Complete with her own tasteful polar fleece (warm n fuzzy ) and digitally recorded pearls of wisdom just ask her your question , squeeze her left hand and hey presto !
The Mrs L doll springs to life and puts you straight in her own inimitable style !
Soak up the wisdom in the comfort of your own home as you hear classics such as .... " This ones got stink all over it ! " or " Mrs L says WAKE UP and dump the bum " .
Who wouldnt want to find a MRS L in thier Christmas stocking this holiday season !
x

jevanslink said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!  Mrs. L

jevanslink said...

Just for the record, Mrs. Linklater's sister was an exotic dancer for many years.  Thought you might be interested.  

verypinkinside said...

Interesting isn't it? Here's a source for more info:

http://RightDownTown.com/infosource.html