Mrs. Linklater lives for advice column smackdowns. Nothing like two women slinging hot, sweaty advice to attract the crowds. So bring it on Miss Ellie. Let's see your best stuff. Because you're gonna lose this one faster than a Cubs' reliever in the ninth.
PUBLISHED October 26, 2005 CHICAGO SUN-TIMES
BY ELLIE TESHER
DEAR ELLIE: My common-law partner's
kids, girls ages 24 and 26, never ask me to join them for dinner or
outings. Nor do they call their father when I'm around.
They do everything behind my back. This bothers me, but he thinks everything's fine. My similar-aged kids always include him.
DEAR MIFFED: Be the wiser adult and
lead by example: Get tickets for everyone for something the girls can't
refuse, such as a concert. Next, invite his daughters to join you and
your children at something casual like a barbecue. Slowly build your
connection to these grown children whose distance has been silently
condoned by their dad.
If you focus on being offended,
this won't change. Show them the benefits of your friendship; get to
know them better. They'll eventually see you as the likeable person Dad
Mrs. Linklater smells smoke just
in time to poke Ellie with a stick -- poke, poke, poke. Are you
awake? Can't you read between the lines? A million bucks says
this "likeable person Dad loves" is actually a stripper from the
Kitty Kat Klub who snagged dear old dad after a particularly fetching
pole dance during his company's annual sales meeting. Yeah, yeah,
strippers are people too. The tattoos and piercings only add to her charm.
Conveniently, there's no mention
about Mom in all this, so Mrs. L is thinking she got dumped once le
bustier babe got her hooks into Pop. No doubt the kids are on Mom's
side, since children have a sixth sense about two-bit trailer park
trash. Is it any wonder they have no desire to spend time with a woman
who booby-trapped their father into leaving their mother? Whose
presence is like stepping on old chewing gum.
Sure, Miffed can invite the kids to
a formal White House Reception if she wants, although White Castle is
probably more her speed. As for inviting the young folks to
concerts and barbecues, don't expect Dad's daughters to be seen with the likes
of her any time soon. Might as well give that "be the wiser
adult" stuff a rest.
Mrs. L thinks it's a sure bet that Dad's
"common law wife" -- emphasis on "common" -- is pretty low rent.
In general, kids, especially older
ones, are usually pretty good about hanging with their Dad's new or used
acquisitions, unless there's something that doesn't smell right, And
this one's got stink all over it. Covered in gold lame and wearing pink
Unless Mrs. L is somehow mistaken,
and Ms. Tank Top Tummy is actually Mother Teresa, there's no way to put
lipstick on this barnyard animal. So she should just be glad Dad
is sticking with her and end all the whining about him and his kids sneaking behind her
Well, that's enough warm and fuzzy stuff for today.
I'm all tapped out.