Mrs. Linklater loves to peruse Craigslist. She found this ad under ETC. Where was this guy when she was hanging out in those fern places back in the Jurassic era?
Here's the deal: I don't want to date you, have sex with you or even kiss or hug you.
[WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS]
I want you to hang out with me at bars and talk me up to other girls
so I break the ice with them. Whenever I'm out with platonic girlfriends,
random girls feel so much more comfortable in talking to me.
[ARE YOU SURE THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU AND NOT EACH OTHER?]
Ideally I'd like 2 or 3 winggirls. The only requirements are that you
are attractive and personable. Age doesn't even matter, so long as you're
over 21. I'm 27, 5'9, 135 lb; but even having an attractive confident 40
yr old talking me up would be superb.
["YO, ALL YOU SINGLE BABES, SHORT STUFF HERE IS LOOKING FOR LOVE."]
Total anonymity is guaranteed. I'll give you my cellphone number and
home address so you know my details; but I don't need to even know your last
name. We'll arrange by email or cellphone to meet in a bar, and at the
end of it I'll pay you $45/hr.
[WHEN DOES THIS EXCHANGE TAKE PLACE? AT THE BAR? DO I NEED TO PROVIDE AN INVOICE? DO YOU OFFER HEALTH BENEFITS?]
If there's anything I can do to make you more comfortable in doing this,
I'm all open to ideas. Obviously I'll pay for all drinks, tips, meals, concert
[HOW ABOUT HAIR AND MAKE UP AND A COUPLE OF OUTFITS?]
edit: (added Sunday) I've thought more about the compensation, and
in addition to the $45 / hour, am adding a bonus. If I meet a girl through
you who I end up going on at least 5 dates with, I'll give you $1000.
[HOW WILL I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ON FIVE DATES? AFTER YOU'RE ARRESTED FOR STALKING?]