My birthday is this Sunday. I will be sixty-freaking-two. To paraphrase a friend of mine who turned just 25 years old today, "Nobody's that old!!!"
the fact that being this old is about as much fun as a tumor, what do
you get for someone who is turning 62 anyway? Me, for instance.
I deserve something for living the life that Jim Morrison, Jimi
Hendrix, and Janis Joplin missed. Yep, they would be my age, but,
they're Halloween costumes now.
start my birthday week off, I got three VIVI nominations. I was
ecstatic. At the time it seemed like a nice gesture from my friends in
But then I read the rest of the list and
realized I was up against the likes of Albert, Mort, Remo, BoSox,
Armand, Yak, Tilly, and Flora and their fumes alone are overwhelming.
So naturally, I won't endanger you with links to their journals.
chance do I have against two guys who need a Hazmat team to put out
their flames, a hardnosed law enforcement officer who is STILL a
marching band geek, a << puke >> Red Sox fan who wears
black sandals and socks, a guy who thinks it's still 1776, some
desperate housewife in Connecticut whose titolas get through the door
two blocks before the rest of her catches up, an allegedly chubby
British mum of 42 children, and of course, the Madwoman of the
Hey, I'm just a single mom trying to make ends meet.
well. But there was another birthday bright spot this week. The Chicago
White Sox won the World Series. [Have I mentioned them yet today?] That
was a wonderful gift. Even though I had to share it with a whole city.
So what is there that captures the thrills of being 62 without calling 9-1-1?
can you buy me that says something special about the day? And doesn't
require an industrial strenghth bra. Or panti-liners.
How can I celebrate the first day of the rest of what's left of my life? And not worry if I'm going to need Zantac.
Let's face it, after 62, it's not only downhill, it's a bungee jump off a bridge that's not quite high enough.
help me here. What would you send me if you knew where I lived? Or
thought you could curry favor with me by sucking up with a present?
Nobody should have to be 62. Why can't I just be thirty-one again?
good news is that Halloween is the day after my birthday. I can drown
my sorrows in all the bags of candy I bought for the neighborhood kids,
but since I'm not going to answer the door, I can just eat all the treats myself.
NOTE TO ARMAND: Better?