Friday, October 28, 2005

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

My birthday is this Sunday. I will be sixty-freaking-two. To paraphrase a friend of mine who turned just 25 years old today, "Nobody's that old!!!"    

Given the fact that being this old is about as much fun as a tumor, what do you get for someone who is turning 62 anyway? Me, for instance. 

Because I deserve something for living the life that Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, and Janis Joplin missed. Yep, they would be my age, but, they're Halloween costumes now.  


To start my birthday week off, I got three VIVI nominations. I was ecstatic. At the time it seemed like a nice gesture from my friends in J-Land. 

But then I read the rest of the list and realized I was up against the likes of Albert, Mort, Remo, BoSox, Armand, Yak, Tilly, and Flora and their fumes alone are overwhelming. So naturally, I won't endanger you with links to their journals.

What chance do I have against two guys who need a Hazmat team to put out their flames, a hardnosed law enforcement officer who is STILL a marching band geek, a << puke >> Red Sox fan who wears black sandals and socks, a guy who thinks it's still 1776, some desperate housewife in Connecticut whose titolas get through the door two blocks before the rest of her catches up, an allegedly chubby British mum of 42 children, and of course, the Madwoman of the Midwest.


Hey, I'm just a single mom trying to make ends meet.  

Ah, well. But there was another birthday bright spot this week. The Chicago White Sox won the World Series. [Have I mentioned them yet today?] That was a wonderful gift. Even though I had to share it with a whole city.

So what is there that captures the thrills of being 62 without calling 9-1-1?

What can you buy me that says something special about the day? And doesn't require an industrial strenghth bra. Or panti-liners.

How can I celebrate the first day of the rest of what's left of my life? And not worry if I'm going to need Zantac.

Let's face it, after 62, it's not only downhill, it's a bungee jump off a bridge that's not quite high enough.

So help me here. What would you send me if you knew where I lived? Or thought you could curry favor with me by sucking up with a present?

Nobody should have to be 62. Why can't I just be thirty-one again?

The good news is that Halloween is the day after my birthday. I can drown my sorrows in all the bags of candy I bought for the neighborhood kids, but since I'm not going to answer the door, I can just eat all the treats myself.

NOTE TO ARMAND:  Better?

36 comments:

heathyrxmarie said...

Before I forget, I hope you have a wonderful birthday! And 62 isn't old at ALL! I would send you an awesome bouquet of flowers and a gift certificate to your fave store :)
Hugs,
Heather
http://journals.aol.com/heathyrxmarie/ImNotBroken

mosie1944 said...

If I were loaded with dough, I'd buy you a brand new super-charged computer.  I don't care if the one you have now is only six months old, Internet-addicted people ALWAYS want a bigger, better computer.

At least I do.  This one is two years old and does anything I could possibly need or want.  But I've already started shopping for my next one.

Now, back to reality:  I don't give gifts much.  These days, all I do for my grandchildren on their birthdays is let them choose a meal at my house.  They tell me what to make, from start to finish, and I serve it (of course it has to be something I have made before).  Monica's birthday is coming up, and she's going to be the easiest one yet:  Cheeseburgers.  And Jello with fruit cocktail for dessert.  

suzypwr said...

I would send you another World Series. With tickets to each game.
xoox

swibirun said...

I would buy you a surplus Howitzer from the military and place it in your front yard.  Then I'd loosen some of the bolts on it.

Chris
http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/Inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings
http://www.bigoven.com/~swibirun

robbush6 said...

I'm guessing you already have a rubber chicken. So I'd have to go with the candy apple red convertible. A 31 year old would just look dumb driving it. Care to take delivery over pie and coffee?

nuttin2dobutchat said...

If the picture on your sidebar is a current one, then let me just say...

I hope I look as good as you when I get to be 42, much less 62.

~Sunny~

screaminremo303 said...

I checked around the internet for the appropriate gift for 62.

So anyways, I guess I would just recommend a nice road trip around the country in that new convertible, visiting all VIVI winners.

We'll see you around the middle of November?

psychfun said...

I'd send you to spend a week with some Vibrant, Passionate people much older than you to show you 31 yrs olds have nothing on you! :-) Did you know many major accomplishments are achieved from people older than you. Pulitzer Prizes, Nobel Prizes, other discoveries etc. Maybe a week with some inspiring people even older than you can get that attitude changed. Stop listening to those young things & talk to some awesome older people! :-) The younger ones have no clue what you really do gain as you age. Make a list of how you are so much better than when you were younger! Explore if you could be younger? What age would you pick & why? How about a bunch of kids games to play? Remember the scene in "The Santa Claus II" when they all get their childhood games...that might spark some fun energy. I know...when is the last time you played with toys in the bath tube? One day I was so exhausted to take my nieces toys out & I felt so odd with them in there? Why? Like "oh I can't play with them!" I forced myself! Boy, was that fun!!!! It is all attitude...be young!

tillysweetchops said...

Apart from the hard wood that is Russy Boy -  how does a freshly washed masseur and a truck load of oysters sound? Just a shot in the dark ...

Tilly x
http://journals.aol.co.uk/tillysweetchops/Adventuresofadesperatelyfathouse/

salemslot9 said...

John Lennon Anthology (CDS) and...
Lennon Legend (DVD)
Happy Birthday Love :)

sieblonde said...

I vote for a 45 year old man as a present.  ~Sie  

sistercdr said...

I'll second Sie's choice of a forty-five year old man, stipulate an IQ of at least 130 and 50 ab crunches a day for him, and toss in a couple of bottles of champagne.  Happy birthday lady!

sdoscher458 said...

Oh you are born on the same day as my sister, I used to tell her "the witches brought her" when we both were little...she has never forgotten that, Scorpio that she is.  I think a day at a relaxing spa, being totally pampered, massaged, toned and fluffed would be in order. I'll be joining you in January, it's not bothering me all that much....the alternative would..Sandi http://journals.aol.com/sdoscher458/LifeIsFullOfSurprises

bluwave9 said...

My mom's 60th was yesterday.  Everyone kept asking her the same question today:  "So how are ya taking it?"  

Let's not GO there.  You're really only as old as the amount of crocheted doillies you have on your coffee tables, or the number of cats sleeping on your bed as you watch Nick-At-Nite.  Which ever amount is less.  So you used to be thirty-one years old?  I used to be 120 lbs.  Lemme buy ya a drink!

~Kris

onemoretina said...

    I'm sending Todd, my pool boy.  He's got one helluva breaststroke.  Tina
            http://journals.aol.com/onemoretina/Ridealongwithme

ally123130585918 said...

I would send you the gift of plastic surgery - but by the look of your sidebar you dont need it - so I'll keep it for myself.....lol...Ally             " Happy birthday".....

belfastcowboy75 said...

Since you probably have trouble getting around now, I'd do your grocery shopping for you. Is this your list? Let's see...a cucumber, a banana, a zucchini, a pepperoni stick, and a large-size can of Pam? You must be on the Atkins.

bosoxblue6993w said...

a carton of DEPENDS and orthopedic underwear.

judithheartsong said...

how about a tight-assed masseuse named Sven? Oh wait, am I allowed to say masseuse here??????????????????? Happy birthday Dear Lady.... this crazy place would not be nearly as crazy without you:):):) love, judi

my3gifts said...

Trick or Treat!

Happy Halloween

Christy

belfastcowboy75 said...

Does Judi mean "masseur" instead of "masseuse"? Or is Sven a transexual?

ksquester said...

ahhh, your birthday....hmmmm.....present, ok, how about a cannon to blow the loose cannon balls you so often delve out? I have a great suggestion, aim it at the current administration. I would expect a good rendition of the Star Spangle Banner while your at it. I can see it now, Russell (Crowe) lighting your fuse and the rockets red glare. It's enough to make me want to start sipping that fine Illini wine!   Anne

somenuttychic said...

Hmmm. Well, for you Mrs. L., if I could, I would arrange a relaxing day of head to toe pampering at an exclusive day spa, followed by a date with the hottie of your choice to accompany you where ever you'd like to go. Dinner? Prime seats to a sporting event? Las Vegas? All of the above? Go for it! After all, you're a hottie, plus you've got brains, a wicked wit, and you're FUN! (By the way, dpending on how much mischief you get into, the Day Spa visit could always be switched around so that you could go *after* your date, if you so choose. It would be your choice.)    

That should take your mind off of things for a while. :-) Happy Birthday, Mrs. L!!!

P.S. Not one, not two but THREE Vivi nods? Whoah. Very nice. And very well deserved. Here's hoping you win them all!

mavarin said...

Somehow I doubt you'll be sorrowful once the results are announced.  It'll probably take days and days to get there, though, well past your birthday. Pass the Tootsie Rolls.  - Karen

armandt said...

How are you going to eat all the neighborhood kids if you don't answer the door for them?

jevanslink said...

Haaaaaaaaa.  Mrs. L

armandt said...

Happy Birthday Mrs. L !!!

lamove04 said...

My birthday gift for you would be to have two handsome, kickass singers come to your door and sing the duet from "The Pearl Fishers" that you mentioned you enjoyed so much.  And then you could do whatever you wanted with them afterwards.  

Happy Birthday!!!  --Albert

yakvette said...

Take my husband, PLEASE.  Someone else offered you a 45 yr old man and Ray's close enough (47).  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  

If you need any help crossing the street, give me a call.  

Yakititolas

thisismary said...

Happy Birthday Gal!   Present for you?  A great big kite.  Monster dragon kite.  You could fly it over the lake, and possibly get it tangled in power lines, a high rise or a tourist bus.  However it ended it would be a spectacular sight, possibly including you being surrounded by lots of flashing lights and men in uniform.  You could pull it off better than anyone I know.  ;-)

queenbigo said...

Happy birthday!!!  :)  I would love to one day be 62.  :)  It would mean I beat the odds and proved all those know it alls wrong.  

ber144 said...

I think you received the ultimate present Wednesday night.  As a Cubs fan, I live in fear that I will still be pining for what you got this week when I am 342.  Have I mentioned that I have eaten my heart out about 342 times the last two weeks?  No sour grapes, though, I am definitely happy for you.  

kristeenaelise said...

I wouldn't *send* you anywhere, I'd go with you!  We'd hit the spa, then have an awesome dinner and maybe go to some cheesy play somewhere...it'd be wonderful.  

...and you're not old.  You still look amazing and you're sharp as a tack.  I hope I've got it goin' on like you when I hit 62.

Happy Birthday!!

=) kris

emmapeeldallas said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Judi

floralilia said...


my dear Mrs. L - for *your* birthday I would send you a big red scooter chair so you can get around town in style.

oh, and a case of cat food - for those easy to fix dinners on a budget.

happy 62nd birthday ya old biddy!

mombzbe said...

Hmmm.
How about season tickets?  Right behind home plate be good for you?
A subscription to Sports Illustrated, along with a strapping young man to read it to you...a strapping young man named Russell Crowe?   (We wouldn't want to strain your EYES, afterall.)
Of course, he wouldn't have to be reading, ALL the time. ;p
Anna