Everybody has a favorite cause they like to support. Usually it's to help prevent something from killing people. That's why terminal diseases are so popular. But PETA and the Sierra Club are still going strong, too.
Needless to say, some causes are
more popular than others. I discovered that when I was a trained crisis
line worker for a battered women's group. Nobody likes to admit they've
been a victim of any kind of abuse. Even though it's right up there with alcohol in
wrecking families. I ran into someone I knew at a fundraiser and the
first thing she said was, I'm not abused, you know, I'm just here
because I was invited.
We tried to get Tina Turner to sing
for the cause. She made movie about her abuse for crying out
loud. She said sure. For money. But we were hoping you'd help us
raise money, not spend it. Bitch. We had to go out of the country and
settle for Canada's Top Country Singer who wouldn't even discuss what she
Breast cancer is very popular these
days, probably because so many celebrities get it. There was a time
when women didn't say anything about having a breast removed. Now
it's like a rite of passage. And a career builder. Not that I'm cynical,
but becoming a breast cancer spokesperson is one way for B list
celebrities to get some much needed face time with the media. Jaclyn
Smith had surgery and the next thing you know she's at the National
Susan G. Komen race in Washington, D.C.. Now she's got a new TV
show. Coincidence? I think not.
On the other hand you don't see
male celebrities signing up to march for prostate cancer. Or
volunteering to raise money for vasectomies. Or anything below the belt
for that matter. In fact, except for Lance Armstrong, guys don't go
public with that stuff. Even he doesn't shill for testicular
cancer. He's more "big picture."
Now that my days working with
battered women are over. And pretty much every cause has a celebrity to
speak for it, I can turn my attention to other problems I'd like to see
Dr. Phil's moustache, for instance.
Creepy. And Donald Trump's hair. Unfathomable. For awhile, Rudy
Giuliani's combover was on my
radar, but there's nothing like regular sex with a new wife to fix a
problem that that.
Not that I'm alone in wanting Dr. Phil's moustache gone. He actually
devoted part of a show to all the requests he gets to shave it off. The
answer is NO. I used to think it was because he must look even weirder
without it. But, from time to time he has shown pictures of himself as
a young man with no moustache. He looks only about a hundred times better.
He needs the Fab Five [are they still on?] to take him in hand. I'm thinking they could hold him down and wax it off.
I sent an email to the show's web site and suggested that he looked like a pedophile. I'm sure that was well received.
Why Donald Trump doesn't do something with his hair is beyond me. But
the guy is such a megalomaniacal control freak that the more the
comedians, i.e., Rosie O, make fun of it, the more he's going to keep
He was on Letterman last night and I didn't hear a word he said
because I was transfixed by his hair thing's color and shape, as well
as the strange wet look he was sporting on the sides.
someone comes up with a way for him to save face -- oh, screw that -- a
wad of chewing gum would do the trick. Maybe someone on his staff could
cough some Double Bubble into it.
Wait a minute. I may have a solultion.
We can get Dr. Phil to shave off his 'stache for a worthy cause. The
highest bidder gets to name the cause. Even better, set a goal of
raising $100,000 for a charity. Send your $5 donation to a website
address. As soon as the goal is reached he shaves his moustache off.
I hate it when I think of something that makes sense.
On the other hand, I still like the gum in the hair idea for The Donald.