I had to go to the laundromat the other day. Big stuff washes better there. You know, sofas, plasma TV's, carpeting. I happened to be there when the grandpa and grandma that own all the giant washers and dryers were also there. I noticed they were doing laundry that wasn't theirs. Unless those Hello Kitty shirts and Spiderman pajamas could be sex toys for people over sixty.
So I got to thinking how nice it would be to have someone do my laundry
for me. I already eat out most of the time. I shower at my health club,
I outsourced my laundry, I could pretty much take the rest of my life
off. In no time I won't need a house, except to have someplace to practice killing weeds.
The owners left with bags of neatly folded children's clothing in fresh
plastic bags and I went out to sit in my car and listen to the Bulls
lose again. I was parked right in front so I could watch my clothes
spin around in the machine. I could have sat and waited inside. But you never know
where the behinds that sit on those plastic chairs have been.
That's when the weird guy showed up. He was wearing a brown plaid
shirt, a pair of brown pants with a brown belt, and brown wing tips. He
had gray hair and a gray goatee. With me out in the car and the owners
gone, he was the only one in the place and he probably thought he could
do things that notbody would notice.
He seemed harmless enough at first. But after he started a couple of
loads of wash, I noticed he would take an empty detergent container and fill
it with water, then pour it into one of the washers he was using. He
did this at least eight or nine times. Didn't he know that
the machines fill up with water all by themselves?
Then he started to straighten up everything. He lined up all the carts
in perfect rows. He pushed the chairs into the tables. And he wiped off
the tables. I had a bag on top of the washer I was using and he
smoothed it out and folded it up.
Hmmm. Maybe he's related to Monk.
That's when I got out of the car and decided to mess with his mind.
I went inside and deliberately took one of the carts and moved it. As far as he knew I was just another customer. Then
I pulled out a chair, sat down for a bit and left it askew when I got up. Next I picked up my bag, looked inside and put
it back on top of the washer rolled up in a ball.
After I wreaked havoc, at least to anyone with OCD, I left to go back out to the car.
A couple of minutes passed and he got up and started making things neat
again. The cart, the chair and the bag. As soon as he finished tidying up, I got out of my
car, went inside and messed up ALL the carts, not just one. I did this by bumping into them as I passed. I moved ALL the
chairs pretending to look for something. And I took the bag and hung it on the door of the washer.
A couple of minutes passed with the guy looking around at the mess I'd
made. Then he started straightening it all up again.
Yes I went back and messed around two more times. Each time stumbling
around like a bull in a china shop. And two more times he neatfreaked
I finally just went back to my car and sat there watching the entertainment.
The funniest part is that he never looked directly at me once. He watched me while he was looking at something else. Sideways.