The editor I'm working with has the same birthday as I do. Cosmic, no?
Yesterday I had a new asphalt driveway put in. You could call it a
birthday present to myself, but not really. It was scheduled for a
couple of weeks ago, but got delayed. First we had some rain, then one
of the trucks broke down, and by the time they got to my house that
day, the asphalt was too cold to spread.
Yesterday, right after my new driveway got laid [there's a visual] I
went outside to look at it and suddenly noticed how warm it was
outdoors. Until I realized that it wasn't the air that was warm, it was
the asphalt. So warm, in fact, that as I got closer I had thoughts of
what it must be like to hike along the edge of a volcano.
Hope it cools off before Halloween, I mused, or I could have my very
own La Brea Tar Pit, filled with children dressed in dinosaur costumes.
Which brings me to this morning. My neighbors have a lawn service. This
time of year, it is largely a leaf blowing service. Because my driveway
was still trying to cool off from last night, I had to park down the
street a bit. As I drove back by my house on my way to work, I watched
a leaf blower guy blowing all my neighbor's leaves over onto my
driveway. Won't that look nice, I thought. My new driveway will be
coated with a permanent pile of leaves stuck to the asphalt. I slowed
to a stop and watched as the leaf blower guy continued to blow more and
more leaves onto my driveway. Finally, like the hemorrhoid commercial,
I was no longer able to contain myself and I honked.
Yoo hoo -- what the f**k are you doing? I said in my sweetest voice,
knowing that the only word they understood was f**k, since, in my
experience, that's one of the first words learned by people who speak
English as a second language.
The rest of our conversation was conducted successfully in sign
language as the guy who had been blowing the leaves from my neighbor's yard
onto my driveway quickly began to blow them back again. Just in case, I
took the name of the company they work for if I should happen to find
the leaves back on my driveway again. Or I could just have my leaf
blowers blow the leaves their leaf blowers blew onto my driveway back
over to their lawn. This could get ugly.
In the meantime, I can contemplate what it means to turn sixty-four.
Hmmm. Let me get back to you on that.