Perhaps Two Tales From The Block I Live On would be more accurate.
I was sitting in my car, parked across the street from my house writing addresses on envelopes for a mailing I have to send out to the neighborhood about Commonwealth Edison, when one of my neighbors and her daughter walked by with their dog.
They came over to my window to see why I was sitting there when I could be in my driveway. After we exchanged hellos, I explained that I was too cheap to waste the gas and drive into my driveway.
After I asked her daughter if she was married and had children yet, only to find out she was home from her junior year in college, I called out to their dog, "Hey, Scout, how're you doing?" Scout is a mixed breed, a little German shepherd, a lot of other things. He's bigger than a beagle but smaller than a lab, and I've known him for years, since he was a puppy. So I was surprised when he didn't react to my voice like he used to. But since I hadn't seen him up close and personal in a long time, I just chalked it up.
"Oh, that's not Scout," my neighbor said.
"Whaddya mean that's not Scout?!" I replied.
"Scout died three years ago, this is Maya."
"How did you get another dog that looks exactly like Scout?" I asked, incredulous, "It's not like Scout was a purebred or anything."
"We found her at one of those doggy day events at PetSmart."
"Is she a clone?" I couldn't get over the resemblance.
END OF RIVETING STORY NUMBER ONE.
START OF RIVETING STORY NUMBER TWO:
Before my neighbor resumed her walk with her daughter and their dog, she leaned over to tell me something that VIKTOR, our Soviet Bloc contractor/neighbor said to her. He built the ugly McMansion across the street from me. It didn't sell, so he and a large band of gypsies moved in so it wouldn't get ticketed for not being occupied or something.
A little back story: Viktor has a monster black Dodge hemi pick up truck. It's wide and long. He also has a driveway that's two cars wide and a garage that could park a helicopter.
But, despite all the room he has on his property, he insists on parking his monster truck opposite MY driveway, so I have to be careful not to hit him when I am backing out.
Meanwhile my neighbor has a one car width driveway and a one car garage. Her family has three cars whichcan fill up their driveway parked end to end. So her daughter's boyfriend has to park on the street. He often chooses to park in front of my house. As a result, his car is directly across from Viktor's driveway.
The other day Viktor asked my neighbor if her daughter's boyfriend would mind not parking directly across from his driveway.
To which my neighbor replied, "All right, but you may also want to move your truck since it's been blocking Mrs. Linklater's driveway for the past two years."
All of a sudden he didn't have a problem with where the boyfriend parked his car.
Do you know that tonight was the first night since he began digging the hole for the foundation of his vampire house over two years ago that his Dodge Hemi was actually parked in his driveway? Not directly across from mine.
So I guess I won't have to break off his rear view mirrors or key the doors after all.