Friday, July 29, 2005

Truth or Dare

ScreaminRemo has just done an entry about truth. Could you honestly handle knowing the real reasons behind what people and governments do?  Do you ever come clean about why you do things?  Or what things you're doing?

I have friends who want me to write down some of my stories of meeting guys on the internet. They dare me to tell the truth about what it's like out there in IM land. 

Well, I have to live in this town you know.  But there are a few things I am willing to share. 

First Mrs. Linklater has certain ground rules for herself. She has no desire to meet anyone she chats with on the internet. Oh sure, if there were the possibility of a future life together, or the chance for some kind of meaningful ::cough cough gag gag:: relationship, she might consider it after a background check, but you must remember, she is 61 years old. Not a glamorous or workable age for much of anything. Plus she is not rich. So, what would be the purpose of her meeting someone? Exactly. She'll pass.

Not to mention that her children have forbidden her to even think about a meeting of any kind with anyone from the web, unless accompanied by an armed guard, which can put a damper on any occasion, although Mrs. L confesses that she is partial to men in uniform.

The point is, typing is one thing. Real life is another. Since her DNA-linked darlings can have her thrown into the old people's clink in a heartbeat, Mrs. L is not going to misbehave. Well, let's just say, she might walk up to the edge of the line with her toes, but she's not going to cross it.

Truth be told, none of her adventures would ever take place -- in fact, -- she wouldn't have ANY tales to tell, if she didn't have an AOL profile posted. And it's a rather benign one at that. It's the two flattering pictures -- headshots taken right after a trip to the Spa -- that seem to generate interest in sending her an introductory IM.

By the way, Mrs. L has checked out some of the other female profiles and she never ceases to be amazed at the number of women who think that see through baby doll nighties are appropriate attire for public photo albums.

So, you say, why not just dump the pics, however classy and tasteful they may be? You could save yourself a boatload of aggravation Mrs. Linklater. Fine. Your logic is annoying. Right now, the truth is, and this whole entry is about truth, a little aggravation in Mrs. L's life is better than no life at all. 

Hanging out on the internet, she has learned a few things over the last year. First, almost everyone on AOL is younger than she is. Second, people lie. Who knew?

For instance, any guy in his fifties who contacts Mrs. L after reading her profile is always married.  No matter what he says at the outset.  But Mrs. Linklater is so honest that usually they end up telling her the truth.  They may start out claiming they're divorced, separated, or widowed. But Mrs. Linklater seems to be so frank about herself, they always cave. Actually all Mrs. L has to do is tell them how old she is, and the walls come tumbling down. It may be that she isn't the oldest person on the internet, just the only one telling the truth about her age. Certainly, the only woman fessing up.

Third, if a guy doesn't have a picture of himself he's not goodlooking. Or he's married. The most amazing thing is the number of guys who DO have pictures of themselves and aren't goodlooking. Truly unattractive. What's that about? Oh, yeah, truth.

One guy saw Mrs. Linklater's picture and IM'd. He said he was 42.  Later in the conversation when Mrs L said she was 61, he forgot he had said he was 42 and went on to say he was 52.  Buh bye. Who needs someone with a memory problem.

Before Mrs. L had her rule about meeting people, one guy said he was separated, but getting a divorce. Calling his bluff, Mrs. L offered to take him out to dinner when he was finally free. The day came and after accepting her offer, he emailed the following, "Don't forget to wear your crotchless panties."  She was so put off that she waited twenty-four hours to see if she had overreacted before ending everything.  Nope. 24 hours passed and she was still steaming. Which brings her to the fourth thing she's learned:

Guys think they can get away with anything.  Still.


To be continued. . .








Meanwhile, Mrs. L has turned down some tantalizing offers. One of her favorites came from from a 21 year old college senior who can spell. 




mosie1944 said...

I had never looked up your profile before,  Somehow I'd never have guessed that was Mrs. L, except for the pictures.

swibirun said...

Mrs. L, have me laughing at my computer again, like always.  Did I say I was 21???


jckfrstross said...

Mrs L
  Thank you for visiting my journal as i am new to this you are great love reading your entrys. There are alot of creeps out here in aol land. lol


judithheartsong said...

it amazes me how many internet stalkers are out there, and darn, I thought my baby doll nightie was adorable...............
:) judi

artloner said...

"Don't forget to wear your crotchless panties."


jevanslink said...

WAY!!!  Mrs. l

robbush6 said...

Ahh. A good speller is hard to find. They still make 21 year-olds?

belfastcowboy75 said...

"For instance, a guy in his fifties is always married."

So am I a liar, or do I not exist? We continue to have the only two profiles on the internet that list "leatherman" as out favorite gadget. Now that's compatible.

ann7inflorida said...

You say "see through baby doll nighties" like it's a bad thing ; ).
LOL @ that small print! Looking forward to reading more. BTW 61 or not, you are a stunner!

billierwilson said...

i love reading your journal, you always have me in stitches.

gaboatman said...

Can't wait for part two!

dimundntheruf69 said...

can't wait to hear the rest...christie

mombzbe said...

It coulda been worse,  he could have said "edible" instead of crotchless.  (eww)

Mrs L, I'm impressed, as I couldn't attract 21 yr old college students when I was in college. :p  Should we call you Mrs Robinson, instead?  lol


shaz19743 said...

Truth is almost a forgoten art these days ....sad its had to become an art in the first place .....didnt it used to be just the done thing ?
PMSL at the baby doll afficiendos....might as well post a picture starkers with a big ole sign round thier necks saying " desperate and willing to be used self respect needed ....all freaks n weirdos welcome " x

sunnyside46 said...

this is truly interesting