Saturday, September 20, 2008

Wall Street v. Main Street

No one asked me to approve this bailout. I must have been blinded by the light when they said, "Uh, Mrs. Linklater, we need your help with a gazillion billion dollar loan. You don't mind, do you? It's just for a few years."

The Masters of Universe fell on their swords and the people who cater their parties and drive their cars and change the sheets on their hotel beds are supposed to answer the 911 emergency for the cash they need to keep them afloat. Why can't they just declare bankruptcy like the rest of us?

Last time this happened we had to rescue the savings and loan criminals. Now it's the investment bankers. Is anyone ever going to jail for making these messes? Anybody? Buehler?

Besides bailing out those greedy bastards, played by Michael Douglas again in the movie that's being optioned even as we speak, I am now the proud owner of eighty percent of the world's largest insurance company. That'll put food on my table and a roof over my head. In about 500 years.

Didn't the white guys in dark suits who run everything take a hard line early in the week? Something about not saving anybody else's butt. Yeah. That lasted for, what? Two days?  I always thought it was unAmerican to bail out the Wall Street Capitalists.

Of course, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were technically private companies on paper, but nobody minded that government takeover because they've been sleeping with the Feds for freaking ever. So why not just legalize the prostitution?

Meanwhile we small business people can just bend over and smile.

Ah, the irony, a Republican administration actually nationalizing a private enterprise. Creeping Socialism is having its finest hour. And no one has made a peep.

I'm so glad we could empty our pockets and help out with the payments on all those CEO's summer homes, winter homes, private schools, limousines and yachts.

Now here's what I want in return.

Since the interest on my mortgage has already paid for my house at least twice, maybe three times, I don't owe anybody another penny.

The interest on credit cards and car loans drops to one percent.

A CEO's salary is not to exceed 50 times more than the lowest paid fulltime employee in the business. Nowadays his salary averages between 300 and 500 times as much.

If a CEO's company loses money, the CEO loses money. I don't care how, just make it happen.

People who run a large company so far into the ground that the government has to bail them out or they have to declare bankruptcy automatically go straight to jail for five years.

No more two week vacations. From now on, everybody gets a month off.

All professional athletes must donate ten percent of their salaries to charity. And they have to do 100 hours community service every year even without being arrested. [I don't know how that one got in there, but that's one group that's been overlooked and underpunished.]

I could go on and on and on. Do you have any thoughts on how we could improve our personal financial situations?


screaminremo303 said...

It kinda makes me re-think the idea of cutting back to generic grocery items to save money for the electricity bill. I should just keep buying the "real" Wild Turkey rather than drinking the off-brand swill.

For that matter, why am I paying my mortgage anymore? No one else does, and it won't even be my house in six months. Let the rest of you pay my way for a change.

I'm feeling more like a Democrat already.

(yeah, this was much better than my original comment)

suzypwr said...

I paid for my house, too, and I feel kind of stupid for doing it. I don't have any credit card debt. I feel kind of stupid about that, too.

sschwingler said...

Hey Mrs. L,
Long time reader, rare commenter.
I think all homeowners should automatically get a couple hundred grand knocked off their mortgage. Don't owe that much? Wipe it clean. They owe us something for using our money.