You know it's been too cold when it has to warm up to snow. Freezing your ass is a weather pattern here. Thirty-five degrees feels like a heat wave. The other day, I actually said, "Hey, it warmed up." It was 31. I wish I were kidding. The thermostat may read 70. But my toilet seat feels like a block of ice.
You people south of St. Louis don't have a clue.
I'm sleeping with two down comforters, high top wool socks, polar fleece pants and a sweatshirt with a hood. Yep, I got my sexy back.
I purchased one of those little ceramic heaters for my legs while I'm at the computer. They come plastered with warnings that read: "high temperature, keep electrical cords, diapers, and other furnishings at least 3 feet from the front of the heater and away from the side and rear." Turns out I can't be more than one foot away from the heater or all I get is a wind chill factor. Does this mean my Depends are going to burst into flames?