Saturday, May 1, 2010

Hanging Around The House

I bought a new smoke alarm because I couldn't figure out how to change the battery on the old one. I can handle the triple As, the double As, the Cs and Ds, but not the funny shaped 9-volt batteries with the weird doo-hickeys on the end. Nine volt batteries are, and will remain, a mystery to me. Unhook them at your peril. 
         Since there was a sale at my local hardware store, I bought a CO detector too. Then I accidentally set it off when I was putting in the easy to install double A batteries. It sounded like a blow torch feels as the flame begins to make a toasted marshmallow out of your earlobe. Do you know how loud those alarms can be when they go off a foot away from your face?
#$%@-ING LOUD!!! 
I also got a fire extinguisher so I could get a 25-cent reduction in my home insurance premium. It's still in its box in the car because I'm afraid if I take it out I'll squeeze the wrong thing and spray a boatload of foam everywhere. Then I'll have to call the insurance company because of the damage from the foam. Which will, in turn, increase my insurance premiums by $100. 
          To complete my perfect day, I stayed home to supervise the removal of the old fence on the west side of my yard -- a gesture to ensure that my neighbors will have to buy their own fence to keep their children from wandering off. Except that the guys who were supposed to do the job stopped by to say they didn't have time to do it today. You stopped by to tell me you don't have time. Are you sheeting me?
          *Cleansing breath*
          On the bright side, Costco sent me a bunch of coupons that includes $4.50 off a handy bathtub size 48-pack of V-8 juice and $3 off a three and a half pound bag of Perdue Bourbon Chicken, more than enough to knock me on my ass for a week. 
          Things are looking up. 


Ginger said...

I am so glad I lucked on to your site! At a time of my life when a good chuckle is worth a million bucks, I am almost a billionaire by the time I get to the end of one of your little chats. Thanks so much!

Remo said...

Mmmm... V-8 is the best. 9-volt batteries are easy and you can even check how much juice they have by touching the terminals to the end of your tongue.

Go ahead - you know you want to... ol

Chris said...

Finally, someone who truly understands the insurance industry:)

I used to touch the 9 volt batteries to my tongue as a kid too. Self applied shock therapy, maybe that's what's wrong with me? ;)