Monday, December 23, 2013

Mrs. Linklater Pretends to Shovel Her Walk

Somewhere in this entry is a picture of Mrs. Linklater holding a shovel from a few years ago, when she was so crippled, she couldn't walk without crutches. She was using the shovel in the photo to prop herself up. I believe she crashed to the ground when she gave the shovel back to the guy who was actually doing the shoveling.  

A friend of hers of the male persuasion had shown up that day to clear off her driveway and front walk, because he was that kind of guy. At the time, she asked him to take this picture so she could continue the fiction of being able bodied on the internet. Now she's got two new hips [have we mentioned them yet today?] which allow her to chase cars and disabled men, so she no longer relies on crutches as a crutch. She also purchased a snow thrower, so she doesn't even need a shovel when it snows. 

Meanwhile, while on her first day of Xmas shopping  this morning, December 23rd, in case you're wondering, her car decided  to crap out. If she'd had her computer with her she could have just walked across the street to her local Starbucks and spent the day shopping online. Instead, the computer was home, waiting for Mrs. L to finish watching the first season of Elementary, the high concept Sherlock Holmes' show. High concept because Holmes is a recovering addict and Watson is an Asian female. It works.  

At Starbucks, where she does a lot of her online work, she couldn't do anything but eat. Eating has always been something to break up the writing. A gnosh here, a gnosh there, while updating websites and FB pages. Now eating was going to be the main thing. So she settled on some hot chocolate and something with gooey pecans and read one of the four or five newspapers Starbucks provides for people who still live in analog mode.  

That got old quickly, since the only news in the Chicago papers was about how the Bears got a beatdown from the Eagles last night. She'd already watched every single minute of the 54-11 pasting the night before. So, you may be wondering, why hadn't she shut off the TV? What? And miss the excitement of an epic trainwreck? Hell no!

After the first quarter, when the score was already 21 to zipity-do-dah -- Mrs. L couldn't turn away because she was reminded of the ending in Crazy, Stupid, Love. Steve Carroll slaps Ryan Gosling in the face [POW right in the kisser!] because Ryan went and fell in love with his daughter [go see the movie] His daughter, played by Emma Stone, instead of being upset, gets a mischievous glint in her eye and says, "This. Is. Gonna. Be. Good!" And you have to admit, last night was really, really good. For Eagles fans.

Now, here at the library, where Mrs. L walked from Starbucks, between the last paragraph and this one, she can finish her Xmas shopping, using the library computers, make arrangements to get her car towed, and find a car rental that doesn't cost an arm and a leg.  But first, let's do an entry for the blog. And post an old picture. Once a world class procrastinator, always a world class procrastinator. 


Donna said...

Cliff and I love Elementary. I'm glad your hip replacements are working well for you.

Jayne Martin said...

So, you're no longer biodegradable, huh? That's okay. All the "cool"kids are titanium these days. Merry Christmas, Mrs. L.

Jon said...

Anyone who can chase cars and slow, elderly men is doing A-OK in my book. Despite the fact that I'm still good at running, nobody has bothered to chase me in years.

I remember that wonderful photo of you with those big scary gloves.

Have a fantastic holiday season!