Answer: Oh, please. Question: Is there someone in this entry who should have been included in Mrs. Linklater's homage to faeries and elves?
There was a time when Mrs. Linklater would have liked to meet Troy Aikman. You know, socially. Hi, howya doin'? What's your sign?
Unfortunately, that time was about twenty-five years ago, when she could still fit into her Calvins.
But life works in mysterious ways. And it turns out that she will be meeting Troy Aikman in about three weeks during a video shoot. Only a couple of decades later than she planned.
But there's no reason why she can't turn back the clock for a day or two. And recapture the glorious days of yesteryear. Wait a minute. Hold it. Cut.
Mrs. Linklater, your reason for attempting to rejuvenate yourself would be what, exactly? So a retired football player [who's had so many concussions the future use of his brain is in question] can be mesmerized by your charms? So his wife and family can have you arrested as a stalker?
Mrs. Linklater -- what are you thinking? Are you thinking?
Hey, a girl can dream. Okay, an old babe can hallucinate. Mrs. Linklater would like to assure everyone that she isn't completely out of her mind. She just left the part that regulates her sanity on a bench somewhere.
However, she's thinking clearly enough to realize there probably isn't enough botox in the world to smooth out a quarter century of wrinkles. And no diet on earth could help her drop ten jean sizes in 21 days.
Overall, she doesn't need an extreme makeover. She needs an extremely fast makeover. And that dog won't hunt.
Please tell us again, Mrs. L, what's the reason you want to put yourself through something like that? Do you have dreams of becoming the world's oldest Monica Lewinsky? The Phyllis Diller of groupies?
Okay okay. Mrs. Linklater has reconsidered. She's fine with who she is. Really. [Although there are a couple of things she'd like to get worked on -- maybe at her 100,000 mile check up]
She has no need to turn back the clock to impress someone she thought she wanted to meet a long time ago. Just because she's finally meeting him now. [Is anyone buying this?]
After all, what if she had met him back then? What if she thought he was goodlooking, but also kind of boring? What if all he talked about was football? What if he thought she was a smartass. And dressed funny. What if they went out to dinner anyway. And she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. And he only had a salad. What then? So many questions that remain unanswered.
Too bad there isn't a service Mrs. Linklater could subscribe to that would combine her DNA with Troy's DNA so she could see virtual pictures of what kinds of kids they might have had.
Ultimately that's the unasked question people want the answer to.
How smart and athletic would the little tykes be? How funny and entertaining? How goodlooking? How rich? Where would they go to school? Who would they marry? What kind of car would they drive?
What kind of an old people's home would they put their parents in?
Some day there will be a machine that can do all this. It's only a matter of time.And it would sure save everybody a lot of trouble and effort pondering these nagging questions.
Get the answers upfront, so we could all get on with our lives.
And have more time for blogging.