Thursday, July 15, 2004

Weekend Assignment #15

Tell us about the the most disgusting food/drink you've ever had in your mouth. Emphasis on "food and/or drink" -- No fair talking about the time you ate an earthworm or Play-Doh, or drank antifreeze, or ate something else that doesn't actually constitute food.

Extra Credit: Name an actual food product that was so awful that you couldn't even bring yourself to try it.

 The Pink Celery

 

Mrs. Linklater is a mother.  There isn't a mother in the world, let alone AOL J-Land, who hasn't finished her toddler's Blueberry Buckle mixed with mashed peas or carrots. Unfortunately that's only disgusting in retrospect.  At the time, it wasn't so bad.

No sense in relating the expired milk story. Milk so sour you could eat it with a spoon. Anyone who's been to college has done that. Tipped the carton for a big swig and had your face covered with clumps of cow juice. Too easy.

Cold pasta with coagulated red sauce and rubbery pepperoni pizza don't count either. They are now considered two of the major food groups.

But there was the breakfast fruit caper, when Mrs. Linklater and her loved one [at the time] visited his mother for a holiday during college. 

The first morning, a bowl of pink celery sticks appeared on her placemat. Her initial reaction was, "What's with the pink celery?"  Where is my o.j.?  My English muffin?  My poached egg? And some tea. Breakfast is no time to eat unfamiliar foods. So she ignored it .

"Aren't you going to eat your rhubarb?" asked her boyfriend's mother.  Where was he? The rat bastard. Sleeping in?  "I cooked it fresh." How nice.

Oh great, what's rhubarb? Whatever it was, was too much to hide in her napkin. After loading a utensil, she bit into the first tasteless, stringy piece. 

She looked up and his mother was staring at her. So she smiled back, trying to pretend it was so darn good. When it was so darn bad.

What kind of fruit is rhubarb?  Isn't it a condiment for pies?  Why are we eating it for breakfast? Ever the suck up, she ate another piece. And smiled again at her soon to be former boyfriend's mother. 

She swallowed another piece.  And endured yet another stare.  

Finally, it was all gone. Thank goodness that's over, she thought.  What's for lunch? Stewed patio pavers?

Suddenly the woman whose son was going to pay for this broke her silence.

"Well, that's the first time I've ever seen anyone eat rhubarb without adding any sugar."

Ptui.

Correct use of rhubarb

And, for street cred, the food Mrs. Linklater refused to eat on principle:

Sweetbreads -- talk about something that isn't sweet or bread.  Yuck. 

 

 

6 comments:

greyhoundloner03 said...

OHMIGOD !!!!!! rolflmao!! You're killin' me, Mrs L.  My only question is: Did you actually share sleeping quarters with him that night after he left you to fend for yourself like that?????

Thanks for the laugh & Take Care,
Andi
aka: greyhoundloner03@aol.com
My journal: journals.aol.com/greyhoundloner03/ANDIKLEE

jevanslink said...

In the olden days, we slept in separate rooms when visiting parents. And sneaked across the hall during the night. Not that his mom was a saint.  She had a live-in lover. A woman. But as for us -- his privileges ended up being revoked for life.

lamove04 said...

no food should start with "rhu"  JMHO.  --Albert

somenuttychic said...

Pink celery. Heheheheheehahahahahahaha. Sorry. Too funny. Never had it and don't want to now. Thanks for the giggle.  

judithheartsong said...

Oh YES!!!!!!! Rhubarb and sweetbreads. YUKKO! My mom made rhubarb EVERYTHING and then the neighbors started giving her theirs. OH golly. You hit the nail right on the proverbial head there Mrs. L. :):):):) judi
p.s. "sweetbreads" is the most deceiving term I think I have ever heard.....

quroboros said...

Boy, you've sure had your fair share of disgusting food experiences!  I have to confess that I love plum baby food.  I eat it like a dessert.  I agree about rhubarb and just the way to sounds would curb me from eating it.  ¤Holly