Answer: A tee-shirt and flip flops Question: Mrs. Linklater, what does someone with your vast experience and skill level wear to work?
Okay, Mrs. Linklater is working. At her desktop computer. On a perfectly nice day. What a drag. She could be at the beach sitting in the shade wearing 45 sunblock covered with a towel.
She is writing a script for a video that stars football great Troy Aikman, a six time pro bowl selection, three time Super Bowl champion quarterback, survivor of nine, count 'em nine concussions, and basically a decent guy. Although that will be sorely tested soon enough.
Next week he has to spend a day with a bunch of people he's never met who are going to put makeup on him, turn on some hot lights and make him say things he will probably think are really stupid. That's where Mrs. Linklater comes in. The really stupid part.
Read about her earlier angst over Troy here: http://journals.aol.com/jevanslink/AskMrsLinklater/entries/904
[Wait till she asks him to call her Mrs. Linklater while they're shooting this thing. Or asks him if he'll be a pal and leave a message for callers on her voicemail -- "Hi, this is Troy, Mrs. Linklater is uh, indisposed, but please leave a message and she'll get back to you after I leave.."]
Meanwhile, she's having a hard time coming up with a line of quality copy to kind of pay off one section of the script.
Should she have him say something honest --
"I'm getting paid a boatload more than you'll see in your lifetime."
Or something folksy --
"You know, when we're finished here we can head to my place for an RC and a moon pie."
Or something competitive and self-assured --
"Touch my stuff and you die!"
Or something more manly and aggressive --
"Bill Parcells is a fat, ugly, white man!"
It's just so hard to find the right combination of words. Mrs. Linklater needs to try harder to get inside Troy's head -- to think the way he thinks. So she can write the way he talks.
To help herself out, she paid fifty dollars for a book he wrote called, Mind, Body & Soul. So she could understand how he truly feels about things. Things Mrs. Linklater didn't have a clue he thought about.
He writes: "I like country music. . .but I thought I would give my voice, as well as the listening public, a break and not record another album."
Troy Aikman made an album of country songs? Who knew? Guess that was the problem.
"I love playing golf. I've come close to having a hole in one, but I've never had one."
Doesn't he seem a little put out that he hasn't had a hole in one. Like he should or something. It's gotta be a Super Bowl MVP thing.
Her favorite quote is a paragraph under several pictures of Troy riding around on his Harley.
"About a year and a half ago, Barry Switzer asked me whether I would be interested in getting a Harley. It was funny because just the day before, I passed by a Harley store and mentioned to a friend of mine, 'Boy, I always wanted to get a Harley. One of these days I'm going to get one.' The very next day Barry came to me and said, 'Hey, have you ever had any interest in getting a Harley? I have an opportunity to get one, and if you're interested I can get one for you too.' "
Earth to Troy.
Any number of times Mrs. Linklater has said to her friends, out loud in fact, "Boy, I always wanted to get a Jaguar. One of these days I'm going to get one." Nothing.
Barry Switzer doesn't call. He doesn't write.
But her favorite favorite quote is this one, "I used to hate doing commercials and I just don't enjoy photo shoots.. .I thought you can go in and do a commercial in an hour. . .I learned. . .this is going to take eight hours."
Mrs. Linklater can hardly wait for next week. A photo AND video shoot. And now she knows that in Troy's heart of hearts, he wants it all to be over in an hour.
Over the years, Mrs. Linklater has learned that negotiating for a six hour day is usually the max with celebrities she has worked with. Eight hours is almost unheard of.
Needless to say, Troy owes his people more than a hearty handshake at Xmas time this year. He only has to put up with Mrs. Linklater et al for 4.5 hours. A photo shoot and a video in only 4.5 hours.
If we pull this off, you'll be hearing about it on Ripley's.