Thursday, July 28, 2005

The Mystery of Kinko's Muzak

I'm at the Kink looking at hours of video on a mini dvd player. So boring. If I were at home, I'd come up with millions of other things to do instead. Nap. Clip my toenails. Count my collection of rubber gloves. Temptations are everywhere. It's better to be out of the house. 

There is Muzak playing here constantly, something I don't happen to mind when I'm doing mindless work.  In fact most of the tunes are from the sixties and seventies when I could not only sing them, I could dance to them too. This whole afternoon has been like listening to an infomercial for every Time Life collection you ever wanted. Well, at least I ever wanted.

I happened to mention I was enjoying the music playing on the Muzak to one of the Kinko's co-workers [no one has employees anymore]. "Am I the demographic they're trying to appeal to these days, because it's working."  He laughed and said nobody in the store had anything to do with what was being played. His best guess is that it's piped in from headquarters, wherever headquarters is. Somebody is dialing the knobs for this Kinko's in a Chicago suburb from a room in another city in another state.

I have heard from time to time that they control the heat and air conditioning that way, too.

"We have no control over the music at all," the co-worker said. "It just comes out of the speakers whenever they want it to. We can't adjust the level or change the channel or complain or anything," he said, laughing.  "I just wish we knew where it was coming from."

What good would that do? 

"It would just be nice to know, that's all."  

Gotta go. They're playing Elton John.


meforevermore said...

That's odd lol I'd never heard that. A new conspiracy theory! lol


ksquester said...

Well hop on down the YELLOW BRICK ROAD you TINY DANCER! I shop at a grocery that does the same thing.....that is when I feel very old. (I know the words)   Anne

suzypwr said...

I am the one in those places who says, "I don't come here for the music." I am more content to listen in the stores like Abercrombie, lol.


robbush6 said...

"Brown dirt cowboy, raised and regimented, hardly a hero. Just someone his mother might know." What? I couldn't hear you over the Muzak-as-Mind-Control. Must. Buy. Copy paper. Making copies. Making more copies.

salemslot9 said...

hope they threw in a Beatle tune :)

gaboatman said...

I remember calling muzak in elevators old people music.  A trip in an elevator these days causes an anxiety attack.  I actually enjoy and know all the tunes.

shaz19743 said...

Theres a cantonese eaterie in Glasgow that has THE funniest muzak i have ever had the pleasure to hear whilst stuffing my face with satay .....we used to go there just to hear the tunes it was so cheesy ....think mandarin and flute insturmental versions of "Hit me baby one more time " ..."Bohemian rhapsody"...." Paint it black " and my own personal favourite which made me actually cough up a spring roll " Born to run " ...springsteen just shouldnt be played at half speed with twinkly harps and flute solos x

sunnyside46 said...

scary to think...remember the old tune,"look what they've done to my song,MA?"