Saturday, January 28, 2006

Geisha Gotcha Moment

There is a moment in the movie trailer for Memoirs of a Geisha where some guy on a bike gets sidetracked by the merest glance from the very young geisha-in-training. Looking at her causes him to ride smack dab into a cart piled high with fruit and Louis Vuitton knock offs, before he crashes unceremoniously to the ground.

The geisha's training officer, who witnesses this young man's humiliation, is smugly satisfied by his pratfall, since it means that her protege may now have what it takes to control men with her charms.

After sixty-two years, Mrs. Linklater finally had her own geisha moment a couple of days ago. Why it took so damn long, she'll never know.

Like most people who are younger than she is -- and that would be most people -- you're probably thinking she's just making this up -- a la James "Don't Mess With Oprah" Frey. Perhaps she just wants to include something interesting, but not true, in her own memoir, A Thousand Tiny Pieces of Cake, which is updated intermittently here in this journal, usually when her memory kicks in long enough to remember something.

But, despite what you may think, she's just as surprised as any woman who is closer to pushing a walker than learning to pole dance about the unexpected event that unfolded.

In what may be a useless attempt to be disingenuous, Mrs. Linklater confesses that she uses the wa-a-a-ay flattering headshot over in her About Me section because that's the only part of her body that remains free of cellulite, spider veins, and arthritis.

With a judicious use of photography, combined with hundreds of dollars of make up and careful lighting, she can maintain the illusion of youthfulness without actually revealing the sixty-two year old truth.

Her gift at not looking bad from the neck up can be the only explanation for what transpired the day before yesterday.

Mrs. L was sitting behind the wheel of her high mileage Jeep, stuck in traffic, using the time to finish a day old turkey sandwich she found stuck between the seats, when she half noticed two young men crossing the street, dodging in and out of traffic.

By the way they were rushing, she assumed they were going to the train station. As they were weaving their way around stopped cars, they suddenly turned and decided to cross to the other side in front of her vehicle.

That's when it happened. One of the young men looked at her. This is not unusual. Many people look at Mrs. Linklater when she has a mouth full of food, often in disbelief.

But this time, no doubt distracted by the Hollywood lighting and makeup, her unnaturally blond hair, and the fact that the rest of her body was well hidden behind the wheel of the car, the young man did a double take usually reserved for women who more closely resemble Catherine Zeta Jones, Charlize Theron or Salma Hayak.

Unfortunately, the young man failed to notice the, uh, pothole which had suddenly opened up beneath his feet. It appeared at the very moment he looked at Mrs. Linklater for the second time, instead of watching where the hell he was going.

Like a some David Copperfield rush hour magic trick, the guy vanished before Mrs. Linklater's eyes. Swallowed up by the street. Right in front of her bumper.

But his disappearance was temporary. He immediately jumped back up, looked down at whatever he fell into, brushed himself off, and acted like he did stuff like that all the time.

Followed by one last look to see if the person who caused him so much grief was worth it.



ally123130585918 said...

Hurry up Mrs L - Dying to know what happened

suzypwr said...

Definitely a sign!


screaminremo303 said...

It appears to be the week for men to commit random acts of stupidity based on their testosterone levels.

I'll take a number and wait my turn.

ksquester said...

Now THAT is a great story. I am still laughing.   Anne

sistercdr said...

All right, Mrs. L!!!

hillareeday said...

LOL..Mrs. Linklater...LOL

artloner said...

 Well You GO GIRL!!!


yakvette said...

Movie TRAILER?  What is this?  Amateur hour?  Am I the ONLY one who sees all the movies nominated for Golden Globes and Oscars BEFORE the awards are handed out?  

Geisha was OK, btw.  Nothing fantastical like the trailers make it appear.  But hot damn, that Ken Watanabe is a fine looking man.

Unlike James Frey who looks like a deer caught in the headlights of Oprah's military tank.  THAT had to be the most uncomfortable show I've ever watched.  Yowza.

thisismary said...

Oh, Damn.  ::waving both hands in front of herself, laughing hysterically:: Your whole post -- funny funny funny.  Damn.

Oh, wait. Of course I was not laughing at the idea of you getting a double take from a young man. Nonononononono!  Just the way that you wrote about it!  Damn.  I have to take a moment here.

mosie1944 said...

Mrs Linklater, have I told you lately that I love you?  You ROCK!  You are the bright spot in a rather depressing couple of days.  God bless you.

rollinghillsides said...

That was a fun read Mrs. L, thanks for the giggles!  Judy (in CT)

psychfun said...

You should have gotten out & helped him! You never know!!!

floralilia said...

high fiving you Mrs L!

atta girl.

beats the fender bender I once caused...

lcsudler said...

You're 62!  Get outa here, no way.  By the way, I updated the Fairbank question in nicknames...  No way!  Ked the Gink.

sunnyside46 said...

best story EVER

mombzbe said...

Shoulda honked your horn at him... :D

swibirun said...

Didja have to tell everyone that I did that?  Damn......

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