for ADVENTURE with
Yes, those are
the enticing headlines posted tonight on an internet ad for one of the
many cruise lines soon to be departing from a port near you.
Somewhat ironic considering that half a cruise ship just burned to a
crisp thanks to someone's allegedly careless smoking on board. Of
course, given the age of most people who take cruises, smoking was
probably just a cover up for an unfortunate oxygen tank malfunction
-- which does not have nearly the cache of passing out drunk
while sucking on a Marlboro.
Word has it the crew couldn't have been more helpful, however. A
welcome change from previous disasters on board, many of which are only
now coming to light thanks to the movie Titanic.
Sadly, one passenger had a heart attack and died. But it's not
like he was mugged in a violent urban setting. He died knowing that
he'd just had a delicious steak, potato and Caesar salad with
There will already be those who believe the fire was just an effort to
divert attention away from the growing number of people who
mysteriously disappear without a trace while cruising on these ships.
For example, no one has seen that Smith guy or any number of passengers
who continue to vanish overboard with disconcerting regularity.
One theory. only recently debunked, blames these disappearances on the
Norwalk Virus, the ubiquitous intestinal illness which has plagued
cruise ship passengers since these party boats began stopping in third
world countries. Previously, many people were believed lost while
leaning over the railing to vomit, while simultaneously expelling the
methane gas produced during the course of the infection.
A cruise line spokesperson denies the link, claiming that the gas only
becomes a propellant when lit, no doubt a welcome relief to family
members who are still waiting patiently for their missing relatives.
Fires, projectile vomiting, explosive diarrhea, death and disappearance. Welcome to the wonderful world of cruising.