Friday, March 24, 2006

CRUISE SHIPS -- YOU CAN'T PAY ME TO GET ON ONE

          GET READY
     for ADVENTURE with
  ROYAL CARIBBEAN!!!
        HOT DEALS!!!

Yes, those are the enticing headlines posted tonight on an internet ad for one of the many cruise lines soon to be departing from a port near you.

Somewhat ironic considering that half a cruise ship just burned to a crisp thanks to someone's allegedly careless smoking on board.  Of course, given the age of most people who take cruises, smoking was probably just a cover up for an unfortunate oxygen tank malfunction --  which does not have nearly the cache of passing out drunk while sucking on a Marlboro.

Word has it the crew couldn't have been more helpful, however. A welcome change from previous disasters on board, many of which are only now coming to light thanks to the movie Titanic.

Sadly, one passenger had a heart attack and died.  But it's not like he was mugged in a violent urban setting. He died knowing that he'd just had a delicious steak, potato and Caesar salad with complimentary garlic bread.

There will already be those who believe the fire was just an effort to divert attention away from the growing number of people who mysteriously disappear without a trace while cruising on these ships. For example, no one has seen that Smith guy or any number of passengers who continue to vanish overboard with disconcerting regularity.

One theory. only recently debunked, blames these disappearances on the Norwalk Virus, the ubiquitous intestinal illness which has plagued cruise ship passengers since these party boats began stopping in third world countries.  Previously, many people were believed lost while leaning over the railing to vomit, while simultaneously expelling the methane gas produced during the course of the infection.

A cruise line spokesperson denies the link, claiming that the gas only becomes a propellant when lit, no doubt a welcome relief to family members who are still waiting patiently for their missing relatives.

Fires, projectile vomiting, explosive diarrhea, death and disappearance.  Welcome to the wonderful world of cruising.

5 comments:

ksquester said...

My family took a cruise on the Royal Caribbean back in 1986 and I have the pictures to prove it!  You have really hit the nail on the head! Even back then THINGS were not right. It's like a secret that nobody talks about. You have inspired me to journal about it. I'll post later on today. BTW, I know lots of people who cruise and they aren't eldery. It's amazing that people think, HEY, I'll get all the food and fun that anybody could dream of. I've always thought that it would be a perfect target for terriorists too.  Anne

bosoxblue6993w said...

gee ... and i was all set to take a cruise with the Minnesota Vikings

ladeeoftheworld said...

How incredibly scary.  What happens on a cruise ship is just outside the law.

onemoretina said...

    I'm not worried about sinking or fire or Legionnaire's Disease.  I'm afraid of sharing a room the size of a matchbox with my husband for a week.  I love the man, but I fear we would kill each other before the cruise ended.  Maybe that's what's happening to all those missing people ....   Tina

psychfun said...

Ha! I love that last comment! Where is a comment from our star detective who took a cruise recently? HA! I'm sure he'd have something to say! Far cry from the Love Boat huh! Doc would really be busy these days, Gopher would be all over the place looking for people, Julie would have less & less people to entertain, Isaac would be busy with the relatives drinking their troubles away & Captain Stubing would have his head spinning like the Exorcist! Ha!