I could eat a bag of Cheetos a day. The full fat ones. The bags that allegedly contain four to six servings but true aficionadas, such as myself, only count as one. But I don't succumb to the siren song of extra crunchy anymore. Somehow I have managed to maintain my restraint, unlike my lack of restraint when an attack of Reisen's chocolates hits.
Because several months ago I
discovered the baked version of Cheetos. Oh thank you thank you Frito
Lay. I've only seen them in the small bags so my addiction is still under control, but it could escalate, since they
have less than half the fat, fewer calories, not quite so much salt,
and none of the guilt. They are my treat at lunchtime. My reward for
eschewing Hostess Ho Ho's for dessert. I love that the word "chew" is
embedded in eschew. Don't ask me to say it out loud. That's one of the
words I never use in conversation, I only write in sentences.
Yesterday something happened. Eating in the car, as I am wont to do, I
reached into the bag in that absent minded way of people who would eat
cat litter if it were cheese flavored, and assumed I had put a Baked
Cheeto into my mouth. Only it wasn't. It was a glob of the cheese
flavoring which had collected itself into a wad of concentrated ptui.
Apparently some of the stuff got into the bag without any supervision.
Without being properly attached to a Cheeto. The only way to describe
the taste and texture of that moment is to imagine a dust fuzzy coated
in cheese. And covered with a whole shaker of salt.
I was driving. I needed to spit the cheese ball out. But I don't have a toilet in
the car, all appearances to the contrary. And I didn't have a tissue close by. There was a box somewhere
in the back, but I stopped climbing in the rear seat while driving a long time ago. So I swallowed it.
Now, ever since, I have felt compelled to finish bottle after bottle of
Snapple tea. I've emptied all the half filled containers of water
in the car. And I almost drank from the toilet in the middle of the
Next time I will shake the bag and squeeze the bottom to prevent
another unfortunate incident. Epecially the thirst in the middle of the
night problem. But there's a larger issue I have to deal with now. I
can no longer reach into a bag of Baked Cheetos with the confidence of
someone who knows what they're getting. Ah, the loss of