Forget Rednecks .....here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about ...Chicago
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through
May, you live in Chicago. Yeah, but if it's in a strip mall it stays open. Not that I go there or anything.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they
don't work there, you live in Chicago. Same with Saks Fifth Avenue.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Chicago. I also have polar vests that I have worn with summer skirts.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a wrong number, you live in Chicago. I got asked out once, too.
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of I - 80 for
the weekend, you live in Chicago. Also anywhere north of Kenosha.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Chicago. That's because five miles in rush hour takes way longer than five miles at noon.
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in
the same day and back again,you live in Chicago. It happened just last week in reverse.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard without flinching, you live in Chicago. Samewith parallel parking in a snowdrift.
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife and daughters know
how to use them (and have since before they were able to legally drive), you
live in Chicago. Sorel boots and food, too.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
you live in Chicago. With a poncho over the costume for the sleet.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- and you're going 80
(probably heading north on 294 or the Edens and you are also reading the
newspaper) and everybody is passing you, you live in Chicago. Reading the newspaper AND illegally making calls on your cell phone.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow, you live in Chicago. Is that what those soft, cushy things are?
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction, you live in Chicago. There's also a pre-season when it's so hot the tar melts.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live
in Chicago. As well as if you have to honk the horn to wake the wild animals sleeping on your engine block.
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Chicago. It's just time to wear a light windbreaker over your polar fleece.
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your friends & others, you live in Chicago. Or used to live in Chicago.
I thought I'd just post them instead.