Thursday, July 19, 2007

Don't Sleep While You're Driving

There's been yet another study that excuses the driving habits of the elderly.

I guess this time they're not supposed to be any worse than middle aged people. Which, based on available statistics, makes them better drivers than the under twenty-five crowd.

The big advantage old people have, according to the experts, is that they don't drive at night -- usually because they're asleep by eight. Or because their cataracts make driving in the dark like trying to see a spotlight underwater. Or they've got night blindness and can't find their cars anyway.

Drugs and alcohol aren't usually a problem, because anyone over seventy who is still driving under the inluence of dope or booze has already been dead for fifteen years.

The real trouble is that old people can't be compared to young people. Because they aren't dangerous at 55MPH. Their driving disasters occur between 0 and 10 MPH.

Today there was an accident in broad daylight that took out a bunch of people when a car drove into a restaurant. I think all the victims survived, but everyone ordering tuna on toast had to go to the hospital. The ninety-fiour year old driver had maneuvered her car into a parking spot and hit the gas instead of the brakes. Slow death.

She and her husband, who doesn't drive because he's 95, walked away. The people they hit not so much. Classic old fart accident.

Like the one in LA awhile ago, when some geezer took out an entire farmer's market. Broad daylight, lots of people. Driving 0 to 10 MPH. Hits the gas instead of the brake. Kills people. Walks away.

All cars should be equipped with a geriatric warning signal. When the car's speed gets below 10 MPH, a siren goes on so everyone can duck and cover until grandma or grandpa finally gets the vehicle into park and steps away from the car.

The kids own the deadly high speed crashes. Especially the ones at night. Instead of killing other people, they usually kill themselves and any of their friends riding with them in the car.

When was the last time you saw "We'll miss you Granny" on any of the teddy bears, crosses, and baskets of flowers that pile up next to the trees and poles that mark the end of those drunk and disorderly lives?

Granny won't die in a high speed crash. She is a low octane killer.

Maybe the lab coat and clipboard folks should take a closer look at thedeath rates between 0 and 10 MPH. 

4 comments:

screaminremo303 said...

We have a highly technical phrase reserved for just such occurrences: TMB

"Too Many Birthdays..."

mosie1944 said...

So now I'm beginning to see a bright side to my never getting a driver's license:  I won't kill anybody as a result of TMB.  

I watched my mom's driving skills go downhill as she aged.  I was with her when she headed through a yard and froze at the steering wheel.  No harm was done, but that incident made her realize it was time to park the car.  She was 85 at the time.

psychfun said...

Is this different than "Don't Drive While Sleeping?" HA! Maybe they should change to that. :-)

Maybe this is why my mom says she has no more birthdays...she is still 39 yrs old...which is funny since 2 of her kids are now older than her.

I know I see all the college kids driving fast past me on their breaks & I'm like  why was I in such a hurry before. I just don't "get it" now? When did that shift happen & I didn't notice it?

Now I do want to bring up something interesting I'm noticing...more elderly men (so far no women) on either smaller motorcyles or like mopeds. I suppose it is less gas but that would make their accidents less dangerous to others.

salemslot9 said...

TMB...
that's just sad :(