Thursday, August 3, 2006

Smackdown in the heat!!

Let's talk some heat.

Let's talk about the difference between my heat and the heat you mopes who live with lizards and cactuses think is hot. The kind I'm sick and tired of hearing you brag about in Arizona, Nevada, Utah, and New Mexico. THE DRY HEAT.

* YAWN *

You want heat?  I'll give you heat.

Come to the midwest. Spread your sandy nostrils and slam down a suck of REAL heat. The kind those of us who live with slimy pond slugs from Mississippi to Minnesota call HOT.


Next to ours your heat is like a walk in the springtime. Yeah. That's right. Springtime.

Our heat is way WORSE than YOUR HEAT.  Because, unlike you people, who whine about frying your fingers on the steering wheels of your cars when it gets a little hot outside, our heat will boil your lungs from the inside.

We don't just have high heat. We have HIGH HUMIDITY. An alien life form to people who have to catch their water from the sweat glands of bats in a mine shaft.

Sure, your air can toast sandwiches. *HO HUM.* Our air can defrost and boil a pig faster than you can put that cardboard windshield thing on your dashboard.

Your air is hot. Our air is like mainlining steam out of radiator.


So I'll see your 114 degrees at dawn and raise you 95 hot ones at noon with 94 per cent humidity.

Take a deep breath of desert air and I might need a sip of water.

One slap in the face of our heat and humidity and you'll be fricassee for supper.  With a side order of mold.

So there.  Na na na na na.






13 comments:

mosie1944 said...

Preach it, Sister!!!!  

screaminremo303 said...

It's gonna be 80 today in Chicago with a low of 64. It's going to be 103 in Phx with a low of 83. I've been in Orlando in the summer - same thing as Chicago, except people in Florida are prettier and deserve to wear less clothes. There's no comparison.

We can actually fry our eggs on the sidewalk in July. Mine have been hardboiled for years. Is that a delicacy?

screaminremo303 said...

aaaand what's with the width of your page?

jevanslink said...

I posted a picture of some African Kudus awhile back. The photo of the cudsuckers hasn't hit the archives  yet.  Things will get smaller when they do.  Like your "eggs."  

Speaking of eggs.  Glad you can fry yours on the pavement.  We boil ours.  

And you're right, there's NO comparison. With us.  Iguana breath.  

Mrs. L

jevanslink said...

By the way, we've had a cold front come in -- that's why it's only 80 today.  It was 104 in some places yesterday.

Mrs. L

psychfun said...

It was due to the nasty storms that we got the cold front! Man those were incredible at about 5:30am! I never saw such low clouds in my life. Wind gusts were incredible! In Iowa some Semi was blown off the highway because the gust were 100mph!

I totally agree girl! Remo needs to come here with his egg! You don't see so many people dying in AZ! Heck, my folks head to AZ for the winter & are back here in the summer & they want to go back to AZ now with the heat...Mom says it has been horrible, either rain or humid heat. Actually, this humidity reminds me of the summers when I was a kid & you wouldn't go outside & play...that should tell you somethng. Although today, kids don't go out to play in the first place, they are on the computer & playing playstation etc.

I hope it cools off soon because some of the schools do not have air conditioners, like my sister, and it will be so hard for the kids!

ladeeoftheworld said...

A few miles south of Chicago.....Indianapolis, Indiana.......you step outside your house, and you nearly asphyxiate as you suck hot jello into your lungs.  Today was the worst.  It was raining, and the rain created such a cloud of steam as it hit the searing city pavement, visibility was temporarily zero.  It was like an episode of Twilight Zone............

sistercynthiadr said...

This Tennessee girl is giving you a loud AMEN!  I can't even begin to imagine what it would feel like to have sweat actually evaporate.  I don't remember the last time I actually felt dry.  There's no cooling down in the nights here either.  Dont forget that.  115 at noon and 70 at night would feel like a vacation.

swibirun said...

I have to agree about the humidity factor.  It gets MUCH colder here in TN than where we lived in FL; however, it doesn't FEEL as bad because it's dry here.

And heat?  Yeah, I couldn't move back to Florida, Land of Humidity in Excess of 101%.

I just had this funny visual of Remo dressed like the Lt. from Reno 911, fanning Mrs. L with a huge palm leaf, while she eats grapes.  That plus he has a lizard tail.  Oh my....I should go to bed.


Chris
http://inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings.blogspot.com/

buckm54 said...

Wait , there is this invention called air conditioning.

Most of have it in our homes, offices and cars.    If you are a street paver, I feel your pain.   Otherwise, isn't there some other more interesting subject?

jevanslink said...

Sorry, Buck, I forgot.  This journal is all about what YOU like.    Mrs. L

mosie1944 said...

Note to Buck:  I am in Missouri, the heart of heat-and-humidity, and I only have A/C in the bedroom.  My stupid choice, but I reserve the right to bitch about it.

suzypwr said...

Summer is almost over, but since I just got here thanks to finally getting cable again, let me toss out the actual feeling of hot and humid - when you walk outside it's like getting hit in the face hard with a hot, wet towel.

I had a visitor from California when it was only 85 degrees here in MI and I almost had to take her to emergency due to heat issues. Seriously. she has more respect now for our heat.

xoxo