Friday, July 27, 2007

THROW YOUR CAT AWAY and THE RACCOON SONG

First of all, see the previous entry.

You can't say that Mrs. Linklater doesn't provide a full service blog. These songs by Simpsons' legend, John Swartzwelder, during his Chicago years, were performed by Jan Hobson and Her Bad Review to standing room only crowds of thirty to forty people at small North Avenue clubs in Chi-town. Later, Ms. Hobson, who was a banker by day and a performer by night, opened up the appropriately named Raccoon Club on Franklin so more people could sing along to the not ready for prime time lyrics.


1. Throw Your Cat Away
Lyrics and music by John Swartzwelder

Your cat thinks he's worth a million bucks,
But he's not even worth five cents,
A can of catfood costs more than that
So throw your cat away.

cho: Throw your cat away,
     Drop him in the trash,
     You know he isn't worth five cents total,
     So throw your cat away.

Your cat has fleas but that is all,
He hasn't got a brain,
He cannot bark or think or spell
So throw your cat away.

Throw your cat away,
He was just a bad investment,
Nobody wants him not even you,
So throw your cat away.

He wrecks the couch,
He scratches your friends,
He refuses to catch a mouse.
He's sure not expecting it,
so grab him by the tail
And throw your cat away.

O throw your cat away,
Flush him down the toilet,
Don't spend another dime to mask his smell,
Just throw your cat away.

He won't come when you call him,
He won't eat his food,
He just gags up his fur.
He barfs in the corner and looks real smug,
So throw your cat away.

O throw your cat away,
Boot him down the steps.
Give all his toys to your faithful dog
And throw your cat away.

He climbs up things he can't get down,
He messes up your cat box.
He has nine lives and that's too many,
So throw your cat away.

O throw your cat away,
Don't give him the time to pack.
He's not worth the fur he's printed on,
So throw your cat away.

O throw your cat away,
It's very easy for you to do.
Just open the garbage and dump him in
And throw your cat away.

Recorded by Jan Hobson and Her Bad Review
2. THE RACCOON SONG
Lyrics and music by John Swartzwelder
as performed by Jan Hobson & Her Bad Review

Eating all the crud down at the dump
I'm a raccoon!

Breaking into homes and stealing all the stuff
I'm a raccoon!

Wearing my mask - YAY!
Looking like a bear (yay)
Wearing my mask and looking like a bear
I'm a raccoon!

Washing some fish and washing some fish
I'm a raccoon!

Operating at night and getting bit by dogs
I'm a raccoon!

Wearing my mask - YAY!
Looking like a bear (yay)
Wearing my mask and looking like a bear
I'm a raccoon!

With my Davy Crockett cap and my coon skin coat
I'm a raccoon!

Don't trust me with your favorite stuff
I'm a raccoon!

Wearing my mask - YAY!
Looking like a bear (yay)
Wearing my mask and looking like a bear
I'm a raccoo-oon!
YAYYY!
(It's the Raccoon Song. Yay.)

4 comments:

ber144 said...

Good stuff.

psychfun said...

Yes this man spend way too much time alone! YIPES! And how long did you say you dated him? Hmmm?

hewasolddog299 said...

Mozart has nothing to fear...

jayveerhapsody said...

I liked it - - but then again I'm drunk.  My cat Scratch has second thoughts.......   Jon