Saturday, August 4, 2007

Dumb and Dumber

Well, it looks like only five people may be dead because of the bridge collapse in Minneapolis. Darn. I'm expecting the news vultures to apologize for not bringing us more carnage. This morning one anchor actually seemed disappointed by the low number of deaths. After the collapse, when they didn't have the hundreds of bodies they were hoping for, I noticed the newsies tried another tactic. There's still danger!!! Maybe the divers who are checking out submerged cars might be impaled on the sharp metal girders that are now underwater. So stick around, death and dismemberment are just a commercial away.

If bridge collapses aren't feeding your jones for mayhem, we're having a lot of sexual assaults on young women lately in Chicago.
A pattern has emerged which may help other women avoid a similar fate.

Every single one of these females was walking around alone after midnight. Only a couple weren't drunk. That smell of paint? It's a target on your ass honey. Nobody deserves to be attacked, but didn't your mother tell you that being out alone late at night might be DANGEROUS to your health?

One woman who was attacked works late as a bartender. She escaped because she had pepper spray on her key chain and gave the guy a good jolt. She might want to invest in some career counseling.

Another was out with friends partying, but she was alone at 4:30 AM when she was dragged into a gangway right next to where she lives. Being drunk didn't help. She could use a few more IQ points.

A couple escaped by screaming. Too bad they can't be grounded for being a danger to themselves.

One woman had her three year old child with her. She was actually standing on a street waiting to catch a bus around midnight, no doubt to be first in line at a sale somewhere. But she said the bus didn't come. Hello -- lots of buses stop running late at night. Did you check? And the reason you and your child weren't home in bed is?

When the bus didn't come she and the boy started walking. That's when she was accosted by two men, one of whom held onto her child while the other one raped her.

Isn't there a test you can take to see if you're smart enough have children?

This morning took the cake. In the middle of the night some people driving on a major street saw a toddler in a diaper and a t-shirt walking around alone. Apparently the kid's mom had driven into the city to fight with her boyfriend -- that's what the cops told the reporter -- and she left the little boy in the car asleep. He wakes up, doesn't see his mom, and being a clever child, opens the door and decides to go find her.

I think she was arrested for having shit for brains.

5 comments:

z7snowflake said...

wow, that is so sad, very interesting entry

screaminremo303 said...

With all due respect to the legitimate victims of crime everywhere, we have special terminology for the increasing number of morons who place themselves in harms way:

N.H.I.  -  No Humans Involved

rgossett4195 said...

The thing that freaked me out personally when the bridge collaped was the school bus, I drive one for a living and that sort of thing is every driver's nightmare.  Actually I did have a  very bad group of junior high kids one year that I actually threatened to driver them off a bridge but guess that's in poor taste now.

As for the people/women wandering the streets in the city...call a cab, call a friend or stay home.  The police have better things to do then take a report from you.  This time of year also brought another superbrain who left their kid in the car in the shopping mall in the 90 degree heat.  

There's gotta be  a test to keep these fools from reproducing!  rose

psychfun said...

Well could be picking up child from parent after doing a late night shift...just a thought but ya many are goofy...like me working on the computer when the thunder is clapping & my lights just dimmed! HA! I know no one deserves it but it isn't a wise choice. When I think of all I did in the '80s boy was I lucky walking home on campus late at night (or early in the morning!) after partying. Now many have cell phones & they have those blue lights in the parking lots with phones etc.

Well I better get off the computer...gettign pretty loud here now!

lacaza3 said...

stupid people should be castraded<if that is how you spell it>
Donna In TEXAS