Monday, November 29, 2004

Odds and Ends

 Ms. Roberts

Mrs. Linklater would like to congratulate Julia Roberts and her husband, Danny Moder Roberts, on the birth of their twins, who may or may not have been conceived with the aid of marital devices. She would also like to ask what drugs Ms. Roberts and her spouse were on when they decided to name the babies Hazel and Phinnaeus. 

Over the holiday, Mrs  L discovered that a longtime friend cancelled Thanksgiving two days before his family was to gather for their annual turkey meal.  Apparently he was at the grocery store, carrying a gigantic bird and three pounds of butter to the checkout lane, when it suddenly bothered him that his family wasn't acting like a family should act anymore. [Is there a book of rules that covers these things?]

So, he asked himself, why should he go to all the trouble of cooking for these ungrateful people? [Mothers everywhere are shaking their heads.] His one son had neglected to tell him he'd dropped out of school. His younger daughter, her husband, and their baby were living with him, but he rarely saw them. And his other son had the nerve to spend the holiday with his girlfriend. The only bright spot in all this was that his ex-wife and her boyfriend were bringing the rolls.

Mrs. Linklater figures that any family where only one kid becomes a dropout and forgets to tell you, where the married kids try to live their own lives, and former spouses are not only invited, but can bring their new boyfriends to dinner, can't be all bad.  So she hopes the Christmas holidays go better.

Mrs. Linklater's older daughter had a busy Thanksgiving weekend in Nevada.  Her future brother-in-law announced over turkey that he and his fiance would be getting married the next day. Luckily Las Vegas is prepared for such decisions. Although the happy couple didn't choose the Elvis package. And there was an engagement party for the future sister in law the day after that. Mrs. Linklater is overjoyed when hope triumphs over reality.

Mrs. Linklater's younger daughter called to say that she and her boyfriend celebrated Thanksgiving inLondon with other similarly transplanted Americans on Sunday.  Turkey and everything.  So, even though she had to go to work with the rest of the Brits last Thursday, she enjoyed a bit of U S of A over the weekend.Makes Mrs. L want to stand up and sing the national anthem. Or maybe America the Beautiful, because that one doesn't have all those high notes. 

Today is a travel day for Mrs. L.  But she has all day to prepare. Years ago she developed a phobia for early flights after getting up on way too many Mondays at 4:00AM [which would have to be 3:00 these days] to catch the 6:00AM to Smalltown, USA, to be on time for 9:00 AM client meetings.  She was in re-hab for several years.

Now she can phone it, fax it, or email it in during the day. And enjoy the luxury of a leisurely stop at curbside check-in, a short line at security, and nobody sitting next to her on the plane. At night.

The rest of the world should be so low maintenance.













judithheartsong said...

Hazel and Phinnaeus?????? Oh dear God in heaven.......... judi

somenuttychic said...

"Mrs. Linklater figures that any family where only one kid becomes a dropout and forgets to tell you, married kids try to live their own lives, and former spouses are not only invited, but can bring their new boyfriends to dinner can't be all bad.  So she hopes the Christmas holidays go better."

Hehehehehehehahahahahaha! I LOVE IT!!!

tdain2003 said...

The ex-wife and her boyfriend... now that's a fun Thanksgiving!  I do believe all families are the same in one way or another.  I know mine is wacky and I love them for it!  It keeps things interesting.  
As for Julia and Danny Roberts (ha ha) they most have been smoking crack... sheesh... poor kids.
Have a safe trip!

greyhoundloner03 said...

Mr. Danny Roberts Moder..LMAO...and hellfire, after she traipsed down the aisle barefoot to meet HorseFace, I'm not surprised at anything she does...she is, admittedly, beautiful in an odd way.

mosie1944 said...

"Dysfunctional family" takes on a whole new meaning during the holidays!

cneinhorn said...

I just don't get those names Mrs. L....what was she thinking? Those poor kids! Amusing story about your friend and the family.....