Monday, December 13, 2004

Let's Play Amateur Shrink

There is a moment in personal growth seminars when hirsute attendees are encouraged to shave their beards and mustaches all off.  And the ones that do seem to lighten up considerably. I remember one intimidating guy in dark glasses and a full beard who finally shaved on the fifth day.  And he even smiled afterward.   

So what is it about men with hair on their faces? Especially now that the 70's have passed. Over time Mrs. Linklater has decided that facial hair may be an indication of some kind of secret.  It may be a very private and painful emotional secret.  Or it may be a terrible and murderous secret. But there's something hiding beneath the hair. 

A few years ago, Time Magazine ran a cover with pictures of eight notorious pedophiles. And their horrific stories were examined inside. Every single one of them had a mustache. And they weren't thick and bushy.  They were kind of wispy and thin. Like a bad disguise.

Oprah once did a makeover on a man who was covered in hair -- from his long, long beard to his massive head of hair.  He came out with a clean shaven and very handsome face topped off with a short haircut that featured his beautiful, thick, gray hair.  He looked terrific.

But the experience created a great deal of turmoil for him. He cried and said he was extremely emotional about the experience.  In fact, had he known how emotional he would feel about getting rid of his hair, he said he wouldn't have gone through with the makeover.  Interesting.  Mrs. Linklater took note of his comment.

Having his real, albeit handsome, self revealed was almost too much for him.  Mrs. Linklater realized that all that hair had helped him to hide his feelings.  About what, she couldn't say. But it enabled him to keep people at a distance. For whatever reason. 

Now we have former Homeland Security nominee Bernard Kerik [pictured above].Wearing a mustache. He says he dropped out of consideration for this high profile job because of questions about his nanny's immigration statusand his failure to pay her social security taxes. He's also shaving his head now, which is another way to conceal his identity. Does he have hair or his head or not?  If he does, what color is it?

Meanwhile, there's the two women this married former police officer was having secret affairs with.  Secret from each other until one of them found a love note the other left behind and gave her a call. And there are other questions about million dollar tobacco kickbacks to a foundation he headed up while running one of the NY jails. No need to belabor this. The guy has a mustache. Mrs. Linklater knew he had some kind of secret.

Perhaps the most intriguing facial hair moment this past year was following the murder of the young woman in Utah. It has been surmised that she discovered her husband had woven a tapestry of fabrications surrounding his acceptance to medical school.  And she called him on it. So he killed her.

During the first TV interview Mrs. Linklater noticed that the allegedly bereaved husband was shaved bald and had a Van Dyck. [That's a goatee with a mustache added.]  Mrs. Linklater said to herself -- no way that guy is in medical school. A medical school student doesn't fit that visual profile. Something's wrong here.

The shaved head and a goatee or Van Dyck is straight out of a prison. It's a threatening, intimidating look worn by people who are trying to keep others at a distance. For a personal, protective reason or a prosecutable, predatory reason.

In earlier pictures during their marriage you could see the husband had a full head of hair and kind of a nudgy, geek look. He looked completely different.  So why the total change? Something to disguise himself?  Something keep people from guessing his secret?

It's easy to backtrack.  And say, see, in retrospect, I was right.  Every time Mrs. Linklater sees someone with a beard or a mustache she first finds out if he has a wife or girlfriend who won't let him shave it.  Usually because he looks so much better with hair. But, if the beard or mustache is all his idea, she likes to wonder what kind of a secret he's hiding.  Or who he's hiding from.

Any famous bearded and mustachioed people you know that we ought to be keeping tabs on?

Besides Dr. Phil?





salemslot9 said...

"Dr. Fake" is a real loser...I have a good friend who has a mustache...sometimes I tell him that it needs a trim...he chipped a front tooth...still needs to get it fixed...another reason to grow facial hair...I like sideburns...told him to keep his...I like John Lennon's sideburns, too.

belfastcowboy75 said...

Mrs. L apparently is unaware of the "head has to weigh the same" law. When the hairline recedes, a man is required to grow a moustache. Bald spot in back? A goatee. The receding hairline and bald spot connect? The moustache and goatee connect in a Van Dyke.

jevanslink said...

Mrs. Linklater learns something new every day.  Especially when she lets it all hang out.

quartrlyfecrysis said...

How very interesing...that reinforces my preference for no facial hair ;)

ahhliving said...

Mrs. Linklater's powers of observation, discernment and hypothesis is a convincing one. Having been brought to my attention, I will incorporate this life-assessing skill into my toolbox of evaluating first impressions because being alert to what someone is hiding can be a valuable insight.
Honestly, it may have been the facial hair but when the announcement of a nominee was first broadcast on the television news and a photo of the nominee was shown, I turned to my husband and blurted out, "Doesn't anyone remember the movie Serpico?"  

judithheartsong said...

ahhahaaaaaaa! I loved this. The brother that molested me has always had a mustache............. as does the X (who sometimes also wore a very annoying beard.) Need I say more????
Fantastic entry Mrs. L  ~~~ judi

screaminremo303 said...

When I became a Cop I swore I would never grow a moustache, since most of the guys I know (and a couple women) with moustaches are complete ass-heads. Whenever I encounter a man (small m) with a goatee, moustache or beard, he usually exhibits some type of "compensation" behavior. I think they should just buy a monster-truck. It's less obvious.

cneinhorn said...

Mrs. L, this was fascinating..I'll never look at facial hair the same way again...every time I see a guy with a mustache, I'll I do know a few guys who shave their heads once they start going bald....kinda like, "now I'm bald, no more hair so you think I did it on purpose" I suppose that's a little secret, the secret that if they didn't shave their heads, they'd have a big ol' bald spot....didn't Scott Peterson have a goatee when they arrested him heading off to Mexico?  hmmm, kinda makes a girl wonder....

gypsytrader49 said...

Well. That's interesting. Never thought about it that way. What about body know furry teddy bear guys? Hmmm. What could be hiding under there?